How God Worked in Our Adoption Story

God is still working.  Don’t let your social media feeds tell you otherwise.  I know He can be hard to see through the division and the emotional turmoil.  But if you pause the scroll and look for Him, you will find Him.  His work isn’t done.

Jon and I have seen it up close.  After praying for years, God answered with Harper.  She is a gift and a blessing.  And God did more than give us the privilege of calling her our daughter.  Looking back, we can see His care and guiding hand in many ways. 

One of the most obvious was by providing the financing for our adoption.  Using everything from our own saving efforts to gifts from friends and family to unexpected fundraisers planned on our behalf - God moved that mountain.  One of our friends (an adoptive parent himself) said it’s like God has a huge pile of money set aside just for adoption with people who He’s given a heart for it.  We were so amazed to see how He used many of you to help make the impossible possible.

At the end of July 2021, we got a call about our first official adoption match.  We were caught in a brief, intense whirlwind that lasted 2 weeks before the birth mom backed out.  We were disappointed and hated the thought of starting over.  But God comforted us and gave us peace.  That wasn’t our baby.

Just days after our match fell through, we found out that another birth mom wanted to speak with us.   We felt cautious after our first experience.  But our agency had said that you never know why God has placed you in a birth mom’s life - even if it is only for a short time and doesn’t lead to a successful adoption.  We may never fully know why God connected us with the first birth mom.  We do know God used that experience to teach us how we needed to go into our second match.  We were called to love and be there for this birth mom as long as she needed us - even if it meant she only needed us to be an option.  She was Harper’s birth mom. 

A couple months later, that mindset helped steady our hearts when she changed her mind the first time.  It wasn’t only about us and our desire to grow our family.  It was also about her and the decision she was facing.  We were disappointed again, but we understood that in the end she would have to make whatever choice she felt was best for her and her baby.  A week later, the adoption plan was back on.  Our birth mother coordinator cautioned us that this match was now riskier since the birth mom had already changed her mind once.  But we knew what God had shown us - we were called to walk with her as long as she needed us and no matter what the outcome would be.  Our birth mom was due mid-November. 

God knew we’d need more than a healthy mindset in the days ahead.  In His sovereignty, He directed our church leaders to schedule the church leadership retreat for Sunday through Wednesday the last week of October.  We spent those days connecting as a couple, enjoying close community, and recharging our hearts and minds.  On Thursday, I had my last day of nannying (I planned to have a couple weeks off to prepare before the baby came - ha!).  Harper was born that Friday. 

We were able to be with Harper from when she was born until Monday - when her birth mom changed her mind the second time.  Looking back, having the leadership retreat beforehand was such a gift.  We needed our hearts to be filled up ahead of time to survive what felt like the death of our child.  God did that, and He also sent both sets of our parents and some of our closest friends to hold us as we fell apart the day we said goodbye.  Our employers already expected us to be gone, so we were able to escape for the rest of that week to my parents’ house.  We were hurting deeply, but God surrounded us with His love.

We came home to an empty house and a half-eaten bottle of formula I couldn’t throw away.  But mercifully, the house didn’t stay empty long.  We arrived home over the weekend and brought Harper home for good on Tuesday.  Our miracle girl.  She is the beauty that God brought out of the ashes. 

We couldn’t always see God working in the midst of it all.  But He was.  And we know He still is (our baby hasn’t gone hungry through a formula recall and a formula shortage!).  He’s not done with us, and He’s not done with you.  Take heart.  Only God can make light out of the darkness.  Seek Him and you will find Him.  He is good.  And in Him, there is still hope.

Comfort & Strength in the Waiting (Part 7): Isaiah 40:26-31

Our adoption wait has been hard this summer.  Bringing home a baby in May would have been so perfect.  6 months from going active.  9 months from submitting our application.  A maternity leave without missing school.  Instead we had two leads - through personal connections - that both hit dead ends.  May also brought the worst emotional adoption scam of the handful we’ve faced.

For so many years, I’ve hoped and longed to be a mother.  I’ve been doused in buckets of disappointment and despair, but still my hope and longing haven’t been snuffed out.  Which almost makes it all worse.  Because the weary cycle repeats.  Over and over.  And over.  

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12 NLT).

 People tell me I’m strong, but I’m not.  My own strength melts into a puddle on the floor with a word.  I’ve literally felt my muscles collapse in heartache.  I’ve felt so tired - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually - that I thought I might fall asleep and never wake up.  I buckle, and I break just like anyone else.        

“Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion…” (Isaiah 40:30 NLT).

Even the child who can spend hours jumping on the trampoline, swimming, and playing tag with energy to spare will eventually crash into bed.  Even the young man who has pushed all his physical limits to the extreme and trained his body to keep going will eventually tap out (Isaiah 40:30 - my paraphrase).

I’m human, and so are you.  We have limits - limited understanding, limited control, limited energy, limited foresight, limited strength.  But there is still hope.  There is still comfort.  There is still strength.  Because we have a God who is not restrained by those same limits.

“Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired.  His understanding is inscrutable.  He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power” (Isaiah 40:28-29 NASB).    

But Satan uses the circumstances of our lives to whisper in our ears: “God doesn’t care about you.  He doesn’t even see you.  How could He and still allow this?  How could He not step in and do something?  Either He doesn’t exist, He doesn’t have the power, He is not good, or He does not see or care.  Whatever the case, you are on your own.”  We hear these lies, and much of what we see tempts us to believe them.  But God tells us to shift our gaze.

“Lift up your eyes on high 

And see who has created these stars, 

The One who leads forth their host by number, 

He calls them all by name; 

Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, 

Not one of them is missing.  

Why do you say, O Jacob, and assert, O Israel, 

‘My way is hidden from the LORD, 

And the justice due me escapes the notice of my God’?" (Isaiah 40:26-27). 

This week I started reading a book that my mom sent to me: Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George.  She begins in Philippians 4:8 with God’s instruction to think on what is first of all true and real, especially about God.  Using the examples of the Israelites and Hagar (whose story inspired the name of this blog), she says, 

“This God-breathed, true account from the Bible reminds us that God sees, hears, and knows all about the sufferings of His people.  He also remembers His promises, cares about His people, and acts on their behalf and for their good.  You and I must choose to ‘think on these things’ - these comforting, tender, and rock-solid, never-changing truths about God’s care and concern for us - rather than focus on our own faulty thoughts or feelings.  Regardless of the difficulty and pain of life’s circumstances, ‘these things’ are what is true and real about God!” (p. 27). 

God has written the truth about Himself into the stars.  We can’t see Him, but we can see His work, and we can know His heart through His Word. Thinking on those truths about Him helps correct my perspective, which is the starting point for finding strength and comfort.  But I also have to wait for Him.  

“Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; 

They will mount up with wings like eagles,

They will run and not get tired,

They will walk and not become weary” (Isaiah 40:31).

Waiting for a baby does not give me strength.  

Neither did waiting for a diagnosis.

For an appointment with a specific doctor.  

For helpful test results. 

For a positive pregnancy test.

For a certain treatment to work.

For lifestyle changes to affect my body.  

Neither does waiting for an adoption call.  

For a birth mother to choose us.

For meeting our little one.

For finalization.  

All of it zaps my strength and energy and reminds me of how very human I am.  

But waiting for God is different.  Waiting for Him means I am trusting and leaning into Him - the One who knows me better than anyone, who cares about me more than anyone, and who has promised that somehow He will use everything that comes into my life for good (Romans 8:28).  It means I am abiding in Him - looking to Him moment by moment for each decision and turning into His arms when life hurts.  It means that I will not be disappointed because the object of my hope and wait is first of all Him - and He will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).

Another quote from Elizabeth George’s book struck me as I was reading last night:

“While waiting on God’s will regarding marriage, Jim Elliot wrote to his future wife, Elisabeth Howard, ‘Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living.’  Commenting on his wisdom decades later, Mrs. Elisabeth Elliot wrote, ‘We accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it.’  God is adequate” (p. 50). 

God is adequate.  He is more than enough.  I can only ever be satisfied and content with Him.  I can only ever be happy and holy with Him.  Every other good thing in this life is a grace - a gift that I do not deserve and could never earn.  He gives so much in the gift of Himself alone - and He blesses us abundantly on top of that.  I can keep going another day when He is the One I’m waiting for. 

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Comfort & Strength in the Waiting (Part 6): Isaiah 40:18-26

*Heads up to my e-mail subscribers: My current e-mail subscription set-up will be discontinued in July 2021.  I will try to figure out a different e-mail option before that happens and let you know if I need you to re-subscribe or not.*  

 
 Running our social media accounts for our adoption has become a part-time job.  Here’s what we do:

1.     Think of a relevant new post that showcases our everyday life and provides variety from previous posts. 

2.     Take quality pictures or videos that are bright and action-packed.

3.     Write, revise, and format a caption.

4.     Add hashtags.

5.     Post to Instagram and Facebook.

6.     Repeat at least every other day – daily is best.

It’s a lot of work.  But we do it in the hopes that our birth mother will be able to find us easily and quickly once she is ready for us.

In the meantime, it’s tempting to put too much hope in the process itself.  We believe God has called us to adopt, and we have been doing everything we can to make ourselves ready and available for that.  God’s Word is clear that His people are to be people of action – He uses us to bring about His purposes.  But we can easily slip from active pursuit into misplaced trust.  We start relying on ourselves, on institutions, or on a formula to produce results instead of keeping our trust and hope in God and keeping our hearts surrendered to His will.

Isaiah 40:18-26 (and many other passages) shows that the people of Israel were also tempted to trust in the work of their own hands over the one true God.  The culture around them offered dozens of idols to choose from – they could bow to any number of created gods (made from materials God created by hands God created using the skills God gave) and not have to hear or obey anything they didn’t like.  With idols, they could make their own rules and ideas about what God was like, and they could maintain the illusion that they could control their lives by manipulating God to get what they wanted. 

But God is not like any created thing we can see or imagine.  He is the Creator, and He is far above anything that we could compare Him to.  Even the most powerful people of the world pale in comparison: “They hardly get started, barely taking root, when he blows on them and they wither.  The wind carries them off like chaff” (vs. 24).  We aren’t comfortable with that kind of power.  A god we can hold in our hands is more manageable and less terrifying than One who holds the universe in His.                   

            Thankfully, our God is also a personal being.  There is a tenderness that comes through in verse 26 as God calls each of the stars by name and loses none of them.  This passage leaves no doubt that God is strong, powerful, big, and sovereign.  But He also cares about His creation and knows every detail down to the number of hairs on your head.  He deserves our trust not only because of His great ability and authority, but because of His love. 

When we had nothing to compare Him to – no frame of reference for Him – He lowered Himself and entered the world as a baby.  He lived among us and died a degrading criminal’s death by the very hands He came to save.  Jesus is the only tangible picture we have of what God is like (Hebrews 1:1-3).  He showed us what strength under control looks like and what power without abuse looks like.  He has the power to bring about His purposes in our life, He is in control over everything, and we can trust Him with that power and control.  We are foolish when we let our hearts wander into relying on people, work, and things.  Only He is worthy.

“And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God.  And now we live in fellowship with the true God because we live in fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ.  He is the only true God, and he is eternal life.  Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.” 

(1 John 5:20-21 NLT)

“And we know that the Son of God has come, and has given us understanding so that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus Christ.  This is the true God and eternal life.  Little children, guard yourselves from idols.”

(1 John 5:20-21 NASB)      

 

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