Record-keeping
is my jam. If it can be quantified,
listed, color-coded, or categorized, I’ve got a spreadsheet, an app, a binder,
or a file for it. For our Pope Paul VI
testing alone, I have a journal, a hard file (with dividers, of course), and an
e-file (with sub-files and sub-sub-files).
The information pack-rat inside of me insists on keeping anything that
may be necessary to reference in the future, and my firstborn tendencies demand
that I keep it all organized enough that it can be readily and easily
accessed. Such is the life of an
accountant’s daughter.
My
passion for keeping neat, accurate records arises, at least in part, from my
beaver personality (read The Two Sides of Love by Gary Smalley & John Trent).
We beavers are known for our affinity for precision, accuracy, and
detail, but we are also characterized by our emphasis on the past. We put a lot of stock into what has already happened,
and our thoughts and decisions are often rooted in the past. Before jumping in, we like to see that an
idea or method has been tested and proven to be practical and effective over
time. Shady track records and patterns
of inconsistency are nearly impossible for us to overlook. These God-given traits are good and necessary
for many aspects of society, work, and life to function. However, as with any other personality
traits, they lend themselves to certain weaknesses when misused or taken to
extremes.
Last
week, we started a series at The Crossing Fellowship titled “The New Rules for Love,
Sex, & Dating.” On a side note, my
husband is going to be delivering the message on sex; I haven’t decided for
sure whether or not I should go MIA that weekend (kidding…sort of …). Anyway, during last week’s message we talked
about chemistry problems versus relationship problems, becoming the right
person instead of looking for (or trying to make your spouse into) the “right”
person, and what love in a relationship really looks like. Check out the full message here, or visit The
Crossing’s Facebook page here. We spent
some time in 1 Corinthians 13, and the end of one verse grabbed onto me in a
way that it never has before: “[love] keeps no record of being wronged” (NLT).
I
rarely lash out, and I am not easily provoked to all-out anger, but we’ve
already established that I am assuredly a record-keeper, and this area is no
exception. Of course I don’t keep
physical, written records of all the ways I’ve been hurt or irritated, but they
are written in my heart and mind just the same.
When I am not very careful and intentional to keep short accounts by
dealing with the hurt, sealing up those records with forgiveness, and letting
them go through trust in my God, they simmer and intensify with bitterness as
the record lengthens. I have some golden
retriever (another Smalley/Trent reference) in me too that prefers to keep the
peace and avoid confrontation as much as possible, which only exacerbates the
problem. As I reach the boiling point,
smaller things upset me much more quickly, and I begin to burn everyone around
me as the turmoil in my heart inevitably bubbles to the surface (we talked about
this extensively at The Crossing in the series “Me & My Big Mouth”).
I
have a long way to go, but God is teaching me to love better. He is constantly reminding me that He does
not keep a record of my sins and that I need to love and forgive as He loves
and forgives. He tugs at my heart and
lets me know when I need to deal with something, and I’m trying to listen and
be more eagerly obedient to that nudge.
I am also learning that sometimes I have to be willing to look past the
track record and see people as God sees them.
In His eyes, I am already glorified in Christ (Rom. 8:29, 30). In His eyes, they are either glorified in
Christ or lost in their unbelief. Either
way, they are a work in progress just as I am, they are valuable, and they need
to be shown love and respect. Our lead
pastor, Eric, has often encouraged us to treat our spouses (or anyone, for that
matter) as if they are already the person we hope they will become. Isn’t that how we want to be treated? We all need people to believe in us and who
we can become through Christ. Even
though I naturally look to the past, I am learning to turn my eyes instead to
the future – to ditch my records and, with hope, trust in God and what He can
and will do in me and in those around me.
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