Maranatha Women's Retreat 2021

 

The Shove

On the drive home from speaking at Maranatha camp’s marriage retreat, Jon asked if I was planning on going to the women’s retreat as well.  I listed off a few pros and cons and concluded that I wasn’t sure.  “I think you should go.”  His candor surprised me.  He doesn’t often vocalize his opinions without being prodded.  Two weeks later, I returned to camp.  

Friday (Day 1)

I’m not sure what it is about Maranatha - the beauty of the lake, the break from daily responsibilities, the spotty cell service, the opportunity to break out of your comfort zone, the connection with other believers, or the army of prayer warriors who support the ministry - but God always works through it.

Early in the women’s retreat, God first nudged me with an ordinary memory.  I know a 5-year-old who, like most kids her age, enjoys having downtime with her iPad.  But did you know iPads have side effects?  Hearing loss is one (I’m sure it’s documented somewhere).  Attempts to talk to this sociable girl during iPad time are met with silence or zombie-like mumbling.  Later, she will not remember any response she gave, and if you tried to tell her something important, she will accuse you: “You never told me that!” 

As the memory reel crossed my mind,  I knew what God was showing me.  I do the same to Him.  I feel sometimes like He is silent or that He isn’t communicating what I think He should.  The problem isn’t God’s voice.  The problem is that I get so fixated on whatever is in front of me that I’m not listening for His voice.  And I miss it.  He isn’t going to shout - I have to be alert and ready to hear.  

With my heart primed, God started the deeper work.  Friday evening ended with a speaker whose message pressed into some old marriage wounds (which had already been scuffed during the marriage retreat).  Healing from that part of our story has been (and continues to be) a long process.  God is still untangling the mess in my heart.  But just like my junior high self swatted away the hands of the surgeon who tried to remove my appendectomy bandages, I shoved God’s healing hands to the side that night.  Healing hurts.  And it’s scary.  I wasn’t sure I was ready for another phase of it.

 

Saturday (Day 2)

The sunny morning on Saturday promised a warm, beautiful day and brought my guard down.  I knew from years of camps, conferences, and retreats that the last evening session is usually the heaviest, so I expected more of a “salad” morning (in the thick of the marriage struggles I just mentioned, I labeled movies and tv shows as “salad” or “steak.”  My heart couldn’t handle the complicated or emotional steak shows at the time, so we watched a lot of Phineas and Ferb).  I haven’t even seen the show This Is Us, but I can tell you that’s what kind of morning it ended up being.

Morning Session

The speaker began in Psalm 13, which piqued my attention and caution.  When she moved to 1 Samuel 1, I felt my throat and chest tighten, and my walls shot back up.  Hannah.  Breath caught and eyes frozen, I listened as the speaker shared her own story of infertility that nearly mirrored my own.  Then, the room spun as she talked about her failed adoption match.  Finally, she described the picture text she received from their case worker of a baby boy that said “I can’t wait to meet my mommy and daddy!”  I couldn’t hold myself together anymore.  

Thankfully, I didn’t have to.  Jen (whose son and daughter-in-law are also waiting for an adoption match) grabbed my hand and Polly (an adoptive mom herself) handed me a Kleenex.  Shaking and crying (like I am now as I write this), I made it through the rest of the story because of the specific women God chose to seat on my right and my left. Once we were dismissed, Rhonda crossed the room to give me a hug and let me know she was praying, and then I darted out of the building and toward the lake.  Mind spinning and heart racing, I didn’t look back as I kept putting one foot in front of the other until I reached my favorite spot to be alone at camp.  

 

Processing

For an hour, I cried, I talked to God, I stared at the water in front of me and the tree above me, I journaled, and I listened to the songs God brought to mind (the main one being “Worn” by Tenth Avenue North).  The adoption portion of our wait hadn’t been hard yet.  The change of direction from medical intervention had been a breath of fresh air, and excitement ruled the earliest months. We had already waited six years - what was one or two more?  

But March arrived. March has gotten harder each year because of my birthday. Age is not a friend of infertility, and in the days prior to this retreat, I had been struggling more with the possibility of having a long adoption wait on top of what we’ve already endured. March marks sixth months since we contracted with Lifetime and four months since we went active. Now, we are almost done with the adoption work, and our main job is to remain ready and to wait.  I understand that God has a specific baby that He wants to place into our family, and I know that He has a specific birth mom he wants us to be connected with.  I know there is no way to predict or force that connection. But losing the distraction of being able to “work” on our adoption has made it more difficult to stay positive when I am forced to slow down (like at the retreat). Many days I am fine - happy, even.  Saturday was not one of those days.  But God held me and helped me wrestle through my longing.    

After lunch, I spent a couple more hours alone with God and then rejoined the other women for Josi’s art workshop and Polly’s Refit workout.  

 

Josi’s Art Workshop

Josi gave us 5 questions to ask God, and she provided music as we reflected:

(1) What does my heart look like?  What do You want to do with that?

(2) How do You want me to think of You?

(3) Will You give me a picture, verse, song, or word to show me what You think of me?

(4) Do You enjoy spending time with me?

(5) Is there anything You want to show me today?  

After spending some time in prayer, we gradually retrieved our various art supplies and started to create. Here are the explanations behind the journal page I put together:

My Heart

As I thought about my heart, I saw a few wounds that still feel fairly fresh. Others are partially healed, but they still break open easily.  I also saw that some of my wounds are scarred over, but they still occasionally itch or ache - like my deepest surgery scar.  

Safe

I was reminded that my heart is always safe with Jesus because of who He is.  No circumstance can ever change that truth.  

Dark Gray Phrases

The dark gray phrases in my picture depict what I was saying to God.  Most of these are lyrics from the song “Worn” by Tenth Avenue North.  I knew I was missing a key lyric from the chorus, but I couldn’t get internet in the building we were in to look it up, so I made the picture without it.  Later, I had enough service as I was walking to our cabin to find the missing lyric: “That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn.”  How crazy is that?  I’m pretty sure I forgot the lyric so that God could emphasize the truth of it to me that much more.  

Light Gray Phrases

The light gray phrases are what God had been saying to me in various ways.  Here are a few examples:

“I am kindness without manipulation” came from an Instagram post I had seen from @stephaniehcochrane days before the retreat.  

At one point during the retreat, I was looking through the papers shoved in the front of my Bible and found an old note from some of our first youth group girls.  On the back, I had written notes from a sermon: “If you try to shepherd without first sitting with the Savior, one way or another your sheep will end up with scars” and “Have the attitude of a victor, not a victim.”  

 

Polly’s Refit Workout

The Refit workout helped calm my emotions and clear my mind for the rest of the evening. Moving your body does wonders for your inner well-being. Also, Polly is the best! 

 

Evening Session

Saturday night’s speaker had us laughing, cringing, and sympathizing with her as she described the year she spent as a missionary teacher in Brazil.  She was solid in the way she taught Scripture, and her encouragement was to follow the basic principles of trusting and obeying God.  Her message was simple, and it served as a great landing spot after the wrestling I had experienced through the previous messages.  The path ahead was clear once again.  The next right step is always to trust God and to obey what He asks me to do. I felt His peace rest on my heart. 

 

Sunday (Day3)

Sunday morning was a time of wrap-up and reflection.  After the message, we were encouraged to visit with the ladies around us about what God had been teaching us.  For me, this eventually led to a sweet time of connection, evaluation, and prayer with Tanya and Natalie (two other ministry wives).  We are all in different seasons of life, but we were able to understand and relate to each other so well.  We cried together, encouraged each other, and helped each other identify and voice what was going on in our hearts.  

            I have no doubt that women’s retreat is exactly where God wanted me to be last weekend.  He spoke to me through my husband to urge me to go.  He spoke to me through the speakers to make me face some of the things I’d been pushing down with busyness.  He brought the women He knew I’d need and who would need me.  He sat with me by the lake.  And He will “never, never, never, never, never” leave me.  He is so good.

Follow our adoption journey: Facebook Group

Visit our adoption website: Jonathan & Sharayah Adopt

If you are thinking about choosing adoption for your child 

and would like to learn more about us, 

please call or text Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784!

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Flourish Women's Retreat 2019

         

          The 2019 Flourish Women’s Retreat at Maranatha Bible Camp & Retreat Center ended up falling right in the middle of the transition from my office job back to babysitting. I was even busier than normal and in desperate need of some down-time, though I didn’t necessarily want it. I’m realizing that for a long time I’ve used busyness as a way to cope with (or maybe numb out?) some of the painful things in life. Slowing down gives me too much time to think and to feel, but God knows I need it. I played piano for the worship team with our church intern and her mom at the retreat, so the weekend wasn’t entirely void of responsibility, but I think God was using it as a gradual baby step of slowing me down before the complete pause that will come with my big surgery next month. Maybe tapping on the breaks a little bit now will help prevent the emotional whiplash I experienced with my last surgery. Anyway, I went into the weekend both expectant of rejuvenation but also apprehensive of the potential for bursting floodgates of repressed emotion.

          After the Friday afternoon worship practice, the conference registration brought with it several familiar faces  from different places and stages of my life. They came from Sterling Berean – the church I grew up in, Mitchell Berean – the church we attended when we lived in Scottsbluff, and of course The Crossing – our church family in Gothenburg. A few other pastor’s wives I know also attended, even though they had already been at Maranatha at least one, if not two, other weekends in February. I’m not at all a social butterfly, but throughout the weekend I tried to be intentional about visiting with different people, and I enjoyed getting to meet some new people as well. I had a hotel-style room to myself, which was awesome when I needed some time to retreat, process, and be alone.

          The speaker, Robyn Dykstra, was phenomenal. She was incredibly engaging and very obviously grounded in the Word of God. Her story-telling and interactive style had us all on the edge of our seats – crying, then laughing, then nodding in mutual understanding, and back again. In the first session, she shared her own incredible story while also emphasizing the promises of God (if you are curious about her story, check out her book, The Widow Wore Pink: A True Story of Life After Loss and the Transforming Power of a Loving God). On Saturday, she delved into the topics of prayer and learning to recognize our worth according to Christ so that we can then be authentically and freely involved in Christian community. On Sunday morning, she wrapped up with the topic of using our relationship with God to impact others, particularly by listening to and obeying the prompts of the Holy Spirit. This last session was probably the most challenging for me. I have a lot of the Bible knowledge, and I’ve known Jesus for a long time, but I still ignore or outright say no to the nudging of the Holy Spirit far more often than I’d like to admit.

          Each teaching session was accompanied by four songs: three before the teaching and one afterwards. Ellie (our intern) did an excellent job choosing set lists and leading the time of worship through music. It was her first time leading worship in a setting like that (she has led at our church for Sunday mornings several times throughout her internship). She was sensitive to the needs of the moment; for example, she dropped one song to instead sing “Who You Say I Am” after the session that focused on our worth and position in Christ. Ellie, her mom, and I meshed well together as a team, and it was fun getting to lead together. It was an honor to be a part of providing the music to help the women there focus on who God is and on the truth of His Word.

          The weekend provided a chance to escape the clutter, distraction, and weight of daily living while also being immersed in God’s Word and God’s people. While we did have the scheduled session times, we were also given a lot of flexibility and freedom to do what we needed to do to “get away, quiet down, and hear God speak” (Maranatha’s motto). We had a time specifically set aside to go be alone with God and process the teaching we had been hearing. Saturday afternoon was entirely discretionary, though they offered an “Afternoon of Adventure” so that there was little chance of ever getting bored unless you just wanted to be bored. The “Afternoon of Adventure” consisted of various activities offered each hour that included everything from rock wall climbing and clay shooting to Bible journaling and painting to hair and makeup demonstrations and bath bomb making. Maranatha always offers plenty to do while allowing attendees the freedom to skip and take a nap or do something entirely on their own if needed. We also had a movie night, a banquet, and the surprise of having little gifts waiting on our tables for each session (including a beautiful journal that was given the first night).

          The food was wonderful (and not just because I didn’t have to cook it or wash the dishes)! We had high quality, hearty breakfasts, soups, salads, sandwiches, and sides. We also had beef stroganoff for one meal. The banquet on Saturday night started off with spinach puffs and stuffed mushrooms for appetizers along with three choices of mocktails. Then we moved along to some kind of glorious caprese-type chicken with bacon-wrapped asparagus, pasta, and salad. To top it all off, we finished with the option of a parfait-style cherry cheesecake or a parfait-style smores dessert. Of course, the coffee shop was open several times throughout the weekend as well.

          When all was said and done, I came away re-charged (even though I stayed up too late during the retreat) and ready to dive into youth group on Sunday night (which is certainly not always the case on Sunday nights). I fell apart emotionally a couple times over the weekend as I continued to wrestle with God on some different things, and I didn’t get that emotional “camp high” that sometimes occurs (which isn’t the goal anyway). However, I came away reminded of who God is and who I am, of the support system I have had through the different phases of life thus far, and of my purpose and calling that can only be carried out by listening to the Holy Spirit when He tugs at my heart. Maranatha has been such a blessing to me ever since my first experience there at AWANA camp in fifth grade. There is no doubt in my mind that God uses it to shape people and bring about His purposes in their lives. If you ever get the chance to go to a retreat there, take it!

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Winter Retreat 2019

February is a busy ministry month for Jon and I.  We hit the ground running on Friday with Maranatha Bible Camp’s annual youth winter retreat.  Last year, Jon took five Catalyst students to this retreat and set a goal to take eight students this year.  God surprised us and sent us off with fifteen!  We took seven girls and eight boys ranging from sixth graders up to juniors in high school.  Three of our youth leaders also came to help as cabin leaders: Barry (our family life pastor and a former full-time youth pastor of over twenty-eight years), Tanya (Barry’s wife), and Ellie (our youth and worship intern).  I travelled back and forth from Gothenburg so that I could take care of our dogs over the weekend, but I was still able to be there for the majority of the time.

The theme for the retreat was “Stories.”  Students heard the stories of several youth pastors and leaders as well as the stories of some people in the Bible.  They were encouraged to think about their own stories (with the help of a brainstorm and timeline activity during small group time), to seek out how their stories fit in with God’s story, to learn to give God control of their stories through daily surrender, and to learn to share their stories with others.  We all learned much more about each other and about our relationships with God as we examined our stories together.  For me, the timeline exercise was a really good reminder of all the ways God has worked (and is continuing to work) in my life, even in the times when it didn’t seem like He was doing anything at all. 

One highlight for me at these retreats is getting to see my husband do one of the things that God clearly made Him to do.  He is skilled at interacting with students in a way that puts them at ease and meets them where they are at.  Relating to them comes so naturally to him.  From his joking, teasing, and willingness to throw himself wholeheartedly into games to his ability to clearly communicate his expectations and to challenge students in areas they need to grow, it is obvious to me how truly gifted he is at building relationships with youth.  I love getting to be his partner in ministry. 

Another highlight for me this year was observing the students during the music time.  Without a doubt, some of the 150-plus students who attended have already experienced more pain, rejection, and injustice in their short lives than many of us will face in a lifetime.  To see them praising and worshiping Jesus encourages and challenges me more than I can express. 

I’m thankful for the opportunity I had this weekend to help students sort through their stories and to get to know them better.  Retreats and camps are a relationship accelerant.  There is something bonding about being tired together, laughing together, getting rid of distractions together, stinking together, and learning together in a safe place and in a concentrated, continuous block of time.  Please pray for these students as they return to their everyday lives, and pray for the leaders as we strive to show them that the joy and security that comes from a relationship with Christ doesn’t only have to be found at camp.              

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Maranatha's Marriage GetAway, 2017

I remember sitting in the Olsen chapel at Maranatha Bible Camp over a decade ago and listening skeptically to a woman speak on the topic of purity in relationships.  I’m not certain whether the memory is from the Purity Conference I attended in 6th grade or from Junior High Camp one of the following years.  Nevertheless, I believed that I, a young girl who had not yet even entered the world of dating, understood romance and the progression of a relationship better than this married adult speaker.  The memory that is so vivid in my mind is her statement that was something along the lines of, “Girls, there have been days when my husband does something that makes me think, ‘I married THAT?’”  Whatever point she was trying to make at the time didn’t really stick in my mind, but I remember pitying her and thinking that she must have settled.  She must have never REALLY fallen in love, or she must not have married the RIGHT person with a SOLID relationship with God.  If she had, she and her husband would only ever be crazy about each other. 

Once I reached my dating years, I started to believe people when they said that marriage was hard, but I thought that “hard” meant getting used to the occasional dirty sock on the floor.  I had little disagreements and moments of irritation with some of my boyfriends, and I was still convinced that those would likely be the extent of any difficulty in my future marriage.  Those minor spats were easy enough to work through.  Granted, I was hurt on a much deeper level by a couple young men, but I just chalked those truly devastating times up to being with the “wrong” guy.  I wouldn’t ever have to experience that level of heartbreak with the man I chose to marry because I would refuse to marry anyone who had the capacity to hurt me that much. 

July 14, 2017 marked my 5th anniversary of being married to Jon.  Our relationship has been tested by fire in so many ways through that short amount of time.  I’ve learned that the speaker I pitied was simply being real with us and that Paul wasn’t just a spurned, ignorant, and bitter single man when he cautioned in 1 Corinthians 7:28 that married people will have trouble in this life.  Above all, I’ve learned that I am a sinner who married a sinner, and like every other sinner, we both have the capacity to hurt each other in profound ways.  We both desperately need Jesus and His overflowing grace, love, and forgiveness so that we can in turn freely give that grace, love, and forgiveness to each other.  Trust and intimacy don’t just generate spontaneously in marriage like they seem to during the early stages of dating.  They must be intentionally cultivated and pursued. 

This weekend we were given the opportunity and privilege to lead worship at Maranatha’s Marriage GeAway.  There was an irony in being on the other side of my wedding day and sitting once again in a Maranatha chapel (though a much larger and more updated one) and listening to another speaker talk about God’s design for marriage, particularly in the area of sex.  While much of the content in the messages opened old wounds and triggered past emotions, it was good for us to be reminded of God’s design and to have a springboard for communication about ways we can strive to continue to align ourselves with that design.  It was also good to be reminded that marriage, when done God’s way, is a beautiful image of the very character of God. 

For anyone who wants to listen to the messages we heard this weekend delivered by Pastor Bryan Clark (Lincoln Berean), you can find them at http://maranathacamp.org/marriage-getaway/ in the drop-down menu titled “Fall 2017 Session Audio.”   

For me, some of the highlights of this weekend included:

*Leading worship with my husband.  He originally planned on adding some more band members, but the director of the camp (Kris Cheek) just wanted us to lead as a couple.  There is something sweet and bonding about getting to play music and ministering to others together. 

*Getting to know some acquaintances better and meeting some new couples.  We ended up spending quite a bit of time with the “5-Year Club,” which was comprised of us and three other couples who got married in 2012, including one couple who was our anniversary twin (we got married on the same exact day!).  We played games, laughed, ate meals, and discussed life together.  Jon and I also really enjoyed talking to a couple from Lincoln Berean whose kids are about the same age as we are. 

*A beautiful, delicious, candlelit, and catered dinner and overall good food that I didn’t have to plan for, shop for, prepare, or cook! 

*Opportunities to enjoy and have fun with my husband. For example, we roller-skated for a few minutes for a short date night (we were pretty tired by that point and ready to get home before another early morning), while Barry Holbrook (camp staff and friend of ours) played blush-worthy love songs over the speakers.  He and Tanya (his wife) also shouted out for us to kiss, and the attempt nearly landed us on the ground in a tangled mess. 

*Getting a refresher course on some things I already knew about sex and marriage and also seeing some truths and making connections that I hadn’t before in various Bible passages. 

*Deep conversations with my husband on the drives to and from North Platte (we would have stayed at the camp if it weren’t for our 3 canine responsibilities at home). 

*The chance to evaluate and re-focus on being intentional about cultivating intimacy in our marriage and taking little steps towards making better choices with our time with that end in mind. 

Marriage isn’t easy.  Cliché, I know, but many hurting husbands and wives know the depths of what that statement can really mean.  Marriage is even harder when you try to figure it all out on your own, or worse, when you set it on the backburner and neglect it until one day you wake up to find a huge explosion of a mess.  I’m thankful for events like this Marriage GetAway that point couples back to the purpose of marriage and to the Designer of marriage, giving them hope, encouragement, and strength to keep fighting for everything that this world is trying to pollute, cheapen, and tear apart.  As with all other Maranatha events, I’m thankful for the chance to pull away from the routine busyness of life to quiet my heart before God and hit the re-set button on areas of my life that need it.  I highly recommend checking out all that Maranatha Camp & Retreat Center has to offer!  

There's No Place Like Camp

For two weeks this summer, I was immersed in a sea of braided hair, dirty feet, sunburned faces, and bracelet-adorned wrists and ankles.  Everywhere I looked, I could see water bottles, hammocks, ukuleles, guitars, and flashlights.  The distinct aromas of campfire smoke, porta potties, sunscreen, bug spray, and sweat were my constant company.  My ears heard laughter, hoarse voices, dad jokes, unique nicknames, competitive chants and cheers, spontaneous singing, passionate Bible teaching, and powerful testimonies.  I both enjoyed the beauty of God's creation and sought out higher ground to avoid the less savory of God's  creatures (e.g., mice, black widows, ticks, snakes, tarantulas, tarantula hawks, and ungodly sized beetles).  There's no place like camp. 

Maranatha Bible Camp and Grace Haven Bible Camp are two very different camps; yet, they both strive to create an environment where campers can get away from all the junk of life and slow down long enough to hear God speak.  At Maranatha, we had the privilege of leading a group of students from Mitchell Berean for senior high week.  This involved leading small group discussions, leading "Ecc Time" for our church group, and overall supervision responsibilities for our group.  Jon also taught about the fruit of the Spirit during the "Grow Group" sessions, which included students from other churches.  For Grace Haven, Jon prepared 10 lessons on the attributes of God as the primary speaker.  I tagged along and enjoyed camp without having a specific role.  I was also able to catch up with a few former campers whom I had counseled at Grace Haven back in 2013, which was super cool and encouraging! 

As stretching as camps can be, they are some of my absolute favorite places.  Here are a few reasons why:

1) Camp is fun!  Laughter, play, and songs are commonplace.

2) Fears are faced, and courage is gained. 

3) Opportunities for encouragement and service abound. 

4) New relationships are formed, and old ones are strengthened.

5) The unity and deep fellowship of believers is experienced in a profound and unique way.

6) Great conversations take place.

7) Biblical truths are grasped for the first time.

8) Wounds begin to heal.

9) The fact that God is indeed working becomes very evident.

10) Hearts and lives are changed. 

            Words seem so insufficient to describe what camp is for many people: what it has been for me in my own spiritual walk.  I am so thankful for the opportunities that we had this summer to take part in a ministry that is so near to my heart!  

To Be Known

My Testimony 

Birth

            Twenty-seven years ago, I was born to two hard-working and loving parents who loved and served Jesus.  As I grew, they told me about Him and took me to church, where I heard the same message:

 Romans 3:23 - "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  For as long as I can remember, I knew what sin was and that I was a sinner.  I knew that all sin brought death, that I was not perfect, and as such, I could not enter a perfect heaven with a perfect God.     

                       

John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."  I heard again and again the story of how God sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sin, how he was buried, and how he rose again three days later.  I learned quickly that Jesus' blood paid the penalty for my sins and that I could go to heaven if I believed in Him.

                       

Ephesians 2:8, 9 - "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."  I also learned from verses such as these that trusting in Jesus for salvation on the basis of His death and resurrection was the only way I could be saved.  I knew that going to church, praying, and being good did not save me.

           

 It didn’t take long before He began to stir my young heart, and my mom says that I was saved around the age of three or four.  Of course my understanding was limited, but I honestly don’t remember a time when I didn’t believe in Jesus at all, so I know that I was pretty young when I first believed.  At that point, I was given a new life: I was born again in Christ.  After my physical birth, it took time to develop.  I had to learn how to process sensory information, how to hold my head up, how to crawl, how to walk, and how to communicate.  Just as I had to grow, learn, and develop over time as a child, I’ve also had to learn, grow, and develop in my relationship with Christ.

Baby Steps

In elementary school, I remember having an intense inner drive to obey authority, follow rules, and do what was right.  I didn’t know why, and it drove me nuts.  I didn’t like when some of my peers called me names, hated me, or tried to get me to do things that I knew were wrong.  There were times when I wanted to do what was wrong to fit in, but something inside me made it incredibly hard to do that.  Don’t get me wrong, of course I gave in and did the wrong thing sometimes.  However, I was miserable inside afterwards.  Now I know that the “inner nagging” I was experiencing was partially my personality and my conscience, but primarily it was the Holy Spirit working in my heart.  Since I did not know that fact at the time, and I didn’t read my Bible or pray on my own much, I wasn’t really glorifying God with my life even though I often did what was right.  I was living to stay out of trouble, to keep my parents and other authority figures happy, and to satisfy that relentless inner drive to do what was right.  I also lacked a sense of purpose and meaning.  What was the point of living rightly anyway when it often made me so awkward with my peers?      

Growth Spurts

In middle school, I reached a significant milestone in my relationship with Christ.  During the summer after sixth or seventh grade, I went to Maranatha Bible Camp with one of my best friends.  Prior to attending camp, my friend had been participating in the AWANA program with me and was asking increasing amounts of questions about Christianity.  When we went to camp, God used one of

the lessons to draw her to Himself to trust His Son as Savior and also to open my eyes to having a daily, thriving relationship with Jesus.  Like I said, I was saved when I first believed.  However, at this point, I began to understand more about why I did what I did and why I should spend time with my Lord by reading my Bible and praying.  My faith became more than just going to church on Sunday and knowing that I was escaping Hell because of what Jesus did.  That year at camp, God opened my eyes to my ultimate direction and purpose and life: to glorify Him by getting to know Him, obeying His Word, telling others about Him, and living for Him as He guides me through each stage of life.

Developing Doctrine and Disciplines

            Throughout high school and college, I experienced many valleys and mountaintops in my relationship with Christ.  The darkest valley during that period led to the most incredible season of growth that I have experienced so far.  During my first year at a secular junior college, I rebelliously entered and stayed in an unhealthy relationship that I knew wasn’t God’s will for me.  Among many other significant problems, we had different doctrinal views.  Our main point of contention was whether or not a person could lose his or her salvation.  I had been taught that salvation can never be lost.  He believed otherwise.  As he showed me verses to support his view, I began to question and doubt everything I had been taught concerning eternal security.  I knew there had to be an explanation, but I didn’t know how to find it on my own.  I also grew concerned about the fact that if I were to end up marrying this young man, I would find myself in a very difficult situation when it came to what we would teach our children. 

God graciously  removed me out of that relationship, but I was left severely wounded and full of questions.  That fact, combined with a growing desire within me to get a better foundation in Scripture knowledge so that I could teach my future kids someday, made me ripe for the picking when the Frontier Carolers came to my church and spent some time at my house.  They talked about the intensive Bible training they received at school and about the fact that it was very inexpensive.  It sounded to me like it was close to heaven (little did I know, La Grange is not close to anything).  As I was getting ready to graduate soon from NJC, the opportunity couldn’t have been more perfect.  I was so excited when I found out that I was accepted to Frontier School of the Bible that I read the school’s handbook from front to back multiple times.  I only planned on attending for one year, but that turned into three years as a full-time student and one year as a part-time married student ( they offered a few free credits for spouses of full-time students, and they allowed me to continue taking classes even after I had graduated while my husband finished up his senior year).

FSB Graduation

I learned so much at school, and I cannot fully express how thankful I am for it.  The truth that it is impossible for me to lose my salvation was reinforced, and I learned how to defend that truth in Scripture.  I gained a new understanding of the incredible hope we have as believers who are in Christ.  I learned the freeing truth that the power of sin is broken in my life so that I do not have to constantly fight it anymore; not that I never sin any more, but Galatians 5:16 says, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.”  I have a choice.  I could go on and on about all that God taught me through school, but I think one of the most important tools I received from school was how to read and study my Bible in depth.  Before school, I often used the “open your Bible and point” method, which is shallow and unreliable at best and dangerous at worst.  When all else failed I went to Psalms, Proverbs, or James because I knew I could understand those books fairly easily, and I neglected a huge portion of God’s Word.  At school, I learned how to read verses in context – taking into account the verses surrounding a particular verse as well as the historical setting and grammatical factors.  I discovered how correctly-used cross-references can open up a passage like you would not believe.  Not only did the teachers tell us how to do all this, but they demonstrated it for us class after class.  In teaching us how to study on our own, they enabled us to glean from God’s Word vastly more truth than what they could ever fit into a three-year program.  I will be able to use the skills I gained at FSB for the rest of my life as I continue to dig into God’s Word on my own to learn directly from Him.

 

Maturing

            In the years since school, God has continued to teach me several hard lessons.  As I partially described in my series, “A Life Unexpected,” we have gone through many trials in the past few years, and we have also had many sweet moments with God.  Though I sometimes backslide, God is continually molding and shaping me into the woman He created me to be.  I hold fast to the promise in Philippians 1:6 that the One who started the work in me will continue until it is finished.  I am so thankful that He doesn’t give up on me, and I am so thankful that He knows me.  He knows intimately every detail of my story from beginning to end.  One encouraging truth that has been brought to the forefront for me in the past week is that He knows my sorrows.  In the past week, Psalm 56:8 was discussed both during the sermon on Sunday and during the lesson at youth group.  It says, “You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book” (NLT).  He knows all that weighs on my heart, and none of the tears I have cried have escaped His notice.  There is a great comfort in truly being known and seen by God.  I am so grateful for the breath He gave me twenty-seven years ago and for the new life He breathed into me just a few short years later.  Knowing Him brings meaning to my story, and I sincerely hope you know Him too.       

Winter Blast 2017

            You know you have just spent a weekend with a – what do you call a group of junior high students?  A herd?  A swarm?  A school? A gaggle?  A gaggle sounds appropriate.  You know you have just spent a weekend with a gaggle of junior highers when, between you and your husband,

You have shoes that smell like this:

You have clothes that smell like this:

You have muscles that won't let you get off of this:

You have a pair of jeans that looks like this (it's a sad day when your jeans decide to self-destruct in the final round of a game you instigated...p.s. the back has holes too):

You have a stance that looks like this (because you are still afraid that at any moment you might be shot in the neck with an invisible dart and have to fall on the ground paralyzed all while hoping someone will save you before the natives try to dump water on your face):

And you, upon returning home, have a bedtime that looks like this:

            We loved every minute of it, and are so thankful we had the privilege of getting our feet wet in youth ministry again at Maranatha Bible Camp’s Winter Blast.  On Friday, Jon and I loaded up our minivan (yep, no shame) with suitcases, music, speaking notes, a guitar, a keyboard, and a cajón, and we drove to the North Platte/Maxwell area to lead the chapel sessions at the retreat along with the help of a talented percussionist whom we met after we arrived.  Together, we led the worship time, and Jon gave the messages.  We also were able to participate in everything from playing games like Gaga Ball and Nine-Square to discussing the history of One Direction (the band) with sixth grade girls at sixth-grade-girl decibels and levels of sass. 

Some of My Maranatha Camp Mementos

The whole weekend was a ton of fun, but the best part was getting to see pre-teens learn about Jesus, sing about Jesus, and pray to Jesus.  Junior high years are so difficult and so crucial.  I remember being incredibly stressed out, confused, and frustrated all the time in junior high, but I also remember that those were the years when I really started to understand what walking in a relationship with Jesus in my daily life meant.  Those were also the years when I got to see one of my dearest friends put her faith in Christ (on a side note, Maranatha played a major role both in developing my walk with Christ and in the salvation of my friend - it's a great place of ministry!).  They truly are formative years, and they are years when students desperately need to know that they are loved and accepted.  Pointing them to the One who loves them and accepts them perfectly and completely is such an honor. 

Throughout the weekend, my husband taught through Ephesians 2:1-10.  Over three sessions, He explained how we were dead in our sin, we were made alive in Christ when we believed, and how we can live in a way that fulfills our purpose by living for the One who gave us life.  Of course, he also sprinkled in a variety of colorful and memorable illustrations and some occasional banter with random students who liked to interject.  During the fourth session, Jon went over a quick review and then instructed everyone to split up into groups to talk about what Jesus meant to them and how they could use the gifts that God had given them to bring Him glory.  In addition to the main messages and the small group times, the students were able to hear interview-style testimonies from several of their leaders about what life was like for them in junior high and moments in their lives when God really drew them to Himself.  The students were also given opportunities to share what they had been learning with the whole group.  Through it all, I was encouraged by the testimonies of other leaders and of the students, and I was challenged by my husband’s messages once again to live every moment and use every gift for the One who created me.  All in all, as paradoxical as it sounds, this weekend was an exhausting time of refreshment, and I cannot believe just how much I've missed working with youth!