To Be Known

My Testimony 

Birth

            Twenty-seven years ago, I was born to two hard-working and loving parents who loved and served Jesus.  As I grew, they told me about Him and took me to church, where I heard the same message:

 Romans 3:23 - "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  For as long as I can remember, I knew what sin was and that I was a sinner.  I knew that all sin brought death, that I was not perfect, and as such, I could not enter a perfect heaven with a perfect God.     

                       

John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."  I heard again and again the story of how God sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sin, how he was buried, and how he rose again three days later.  I learned quickly that Jesus' blood paid the penalty for my sins and that I could go to heaven if I believed in Him.

                       

Ephesians 2:8, 9 - "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."  I also learned from verses such as these that trusting in Jesus for salvation on the basis of His death and resurrection was the only way I could be saved.  I knew that going to church, praying, and being good did not save me.

           

 It didn’t take long before He began to stir my young heart, and my mom says that I was saved around the age of three or four.  Of course my understanding was limited, but I honestly don’t remember a time when I didn’t believe in Jesus at all, so I know that I was pretty young when I first believed.  At that point, I was given a new life: I was born again in Christ.  After my physical birth, it took time to develop.  I had to learn how to process sensory information, how to hold my head up, how to crawl, how to walk, and how to communicate.  Just as I had to grow, learn, and develop over time as a child, I’ve also had to learn, grow, and develop in my relationship with Christ.

Baby Steps

In elementary school, I remember having an intense inner drive to obey authority, follow rules, and do what was right.  I didn’t know why, and it drove me nuts.  I didn’t like when some of my peers called me names, hated me, or tried to get me to do things that I knew were wrong.  There were times when I wanted to do what was wrong to fit in, but something inside me made it incredibly hard to do that.  Don’t get me wrong, of course I gave in and did the wrong thing sometimes.  However, I was miserable inside afterwards.  Now I know that the “inner nagging” I was experiencing was partially my personality and my conscience, but primarily it was the Holy Spirit working in my heart.  Since I did not know that fact at the time, and I didn’t read my Bible or pray on my own much, I wasn’t really glorifying God with my life even though I often did what was right.  I was living to stay out of trouble, to keep my parents and other authority figures happy, and to satisfy that relentless inner drive to do what was right.  I also lacked a sense of purpose and meaning.  What was the point of living rightly anyway when it often made me so awkward with my peers?      

Growth Spurts

In middle school, I reached a significant milestone in my relationship with Christ.  During the summer after sixth or seventh grade, I went to Maranatha Bible Camp with one of my best friends.  Prior to attending camp, my friend had been participating in the AWANA program with me and was asking increasing amounts of questions about Christianity.  When we went to camp, God used one of

the lessons to draw her to Himself to trust His Son as Savior and also to open my eyes to having a daily, thriving relationship with Jesus.  Like I said, I was saved when I first believed.  However, at this point, I began to understand more about why I did what I did and why I should spend time with my Lord by reading my Bible and praying.  My faith became more than just going to church on Sunday and knowing that I was escaping Hell because of what Jesus did.  That year at camp, God opened my eyes to my ultimate direction and purpose and life: to glorify Him by getting to know Him, obeying His Word, telling others about Him, and living for Him as He guides me through each stage of life.

Developing Doctrine and Disciplines

            Throughout high school and college, I experienced many valleys and mountaintops in my relationship with Christ.  The darkest valley during that period led to the most incredible season of growth that I have experienced so far.  During my first year at a secular junior college, I rebelliously entered and stayed in an unhealthy relationship that I knew wasn’t God’s will for me.  Among many other significant problems, we had different doctrinal views.  Our main point of contention was whether or not a person could lose his or her salvation.  I had been taught that salvation can never be lost.  He believed otherwise.  As he showed me verses to support his view, I began to question and doubt everything I had been taught concerning eternal security.  I knew there had to be an explanation, but I didn’t know how to find it on my own.  I also grew concerned about the fact that if I were to end up marrying this young man, I would find myself in a very difficult situation when it came to what we would teach our children. 

God graciously  removed me out of that relationship, but I was left severely wounded and full of questions.  That fact, combined with a growing desire within me to get a better foundation in Scripture knowledge so that I could teach my future kids someday, made me ripe for the picking when the Frontier Carolers came to my church and spent some time at my house.  They talked about the intensive Bible training they received at school and about the fact that it was very inexpensive.  It sounded to me like it was close to heaven (little did I know, La Grange is not close to anything).  As I was getting ready to graduate soon from NJC, the opportunity couldn’t have been more perfect.  I was so excited when I found out that I was accepted to Frontier School of the Bible that I read the school’s handbook from front to back multiple times.  I only planned on attending for one year, but that turned into three years as a full-time student and one year as a part-time married student ( they offered a few free credits for spouses of full-time students, and they allowed me to continue taking classes even after I had graduated while my husband finished up his senior year).

FSB Graduation

I learned so much at school, and I cannot fully express how thankful I am for it.  The truth that it is impossible for me to lose my salvation was reinforced, and I learned how to defend that truth in Scripture.  I gained a new understanding of the incredible hope we have as believers who are in Christ.  I learned the freeing truth that the power of sin is broken in my life so that I do not have to constantly fight it anymore; not that I never sin any more, but Galatians 5:16 says, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.”  I have a choice.  I could go on and on about all that God taught me through school, but I think one of the most important tools I received from school was how to read and study my Bible in depth.  Before school, I often used the “open your Bible and point” method, which is shallow and unreliable at best and dangerous at worst.  When all else failed I went to Psalms, Proverbs, or James because I knew I could understand those books fairly easily, and I neglected a huge portion of God’s Word.  At school, I learned how to read verses in context – taking into account the verses surrounding a particular verse as well as the historical setting and grammatical factors.  I discovered how correctly-used cross-references can open up a passage like you would not believe.  Not only did the teachers tell us how to do all this, but they demonstrated it for us class after class.  In teaching us how to study on our own, they enabled us to glean from God’s Word vastly more truth than what they could ever fit into a three-year program.  I will be able to use the skills I gained at FSB for the rest of my life as I continue to dig into God’s Word on my own to learn directly from Him.

 

Maturing

            In the years since school, God has continued to teach me several hard lessons.  As I partially described in my series, “A Life Unexpected,” we have gone through many trials in the past few years, and we have also had many sweet moments with God.  Though I sometimes backslide, God is continually molding and shaping me into the woman He created me to be.  I hold fast to the promise in Philippians 1:6 that the One who started the work in me will continue until it is finished.  I am so thankful that He doesn’t give up on me, and I am so thankful that He knows me.  He knows intimately every detail of my story from beginning to end.  One encouraging truth that has been brought to the forefront for me in the past week is that He knows my sorrows.  In the past week, Psalm 56:8 was discussed both during the sermon on Sunday and during the lesson at youth group.  It says, “You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book” (NLT).  He knows all that weighs on my heart, and none of the tears I have cried have escaped His notice.  There is a great comfort in truly being known and seen by God.  I am so grateful for the breath He gave me twenty-seven years ago and for the new life He breathed into me just a few short years later.  Knowing Him brings meaning to my story, and I sincerely hope you know Him too.