Comfort & Strength in the Waiting (Part 7): Isaiah 40:26-31

Our adoption wait has been hard this summer.  Bringing home a baby in May would have been so perfect.  6 months from going active.  9 months from submitting our application.  A maternity leave without missing school.  Instead we had two leads - through personal connections - that both hit dead ends.  May also brought the worst emotional adoption scam of the handful we’ve faced.

For so many years, I’ve hoped and longed to be a mother.  I’ve been doused in buckets of disappointment and despair, but still my hope and longing haven’t been snuffed out.  Which almost makes it all worse.  Because the weary cycle repeats.  Over and over.  And over.  

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12 NLT).

 People tell me I’m strong, but I’m not.  My own strength melts into a puddle on the floor with a word.  I’ve literally felt my muscles collapse in heartache.  I’ve felt so tired - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually - that I thought I might fall asleep and never wake up.  I buckle, and I break just like anyone else.        

“Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion…” (Isaiah 40:30 NLT).

Even the child who can spend hours jumping on the trampoline, swimming, and playing tag with energy to spare will eventually crash into bed.  Even the young man who has pushed all his physical limits to the extreme and trained his body to keep going will eventually tap out (Isaiah 40:30 - my paraphrase).

I’m human, and so are you.  We have limits - limited understanding, limited control, limited energy, limited foresight, limited strength.  But there is still hope.  There is still comfort.  There is still strength.  Because we have a God who is not restrained by those same limits.

“Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired.  His understanding is inscrutable.  He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power” (Isaiah 40:28-29 NASB).    

But Satan uses the circumstances of our lives to whisper in our ears: “God doesn’t care about you.  He doesn’t even see you.  How could He and still allow this?  How could He not step in and do something?  Either He doesn’t exist, He doesn’t have the power, He is not good, or He does not see or care.  Whatever the case, you are on your own.”  We hear these lies, and much of what we see tempts us to believe them.  But God tells us to shift our gaze.

“Lift up your eyes on high 

And see who has created these stars, 

The One who leads forth their host by number, 

He calls them all by name; 

Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, 

Not one of them is missing.  

Why do you say, O Jacob, and assert, O Israel, 

‘My way is hidden from the LORD, 

And the justice due me escapes the notice of my God’?" (Isaiah 40:26-27). 

This week I started reading a book that my mom sent to me: Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George.  She begins in Philippians 4:8 with God’s instruction to think on what is first of all true and real, especially about God.  Using the examples of the Israelites and Hagar (whose story inspired the name of this blog), she says, 

“This God-breathed, true account from the Bible reminds us that God sees, hears, and knows all about the sufferings of His people.  He also remembers His promises, cares about His people, and acts on their behalf and for their good.  You and I must choose to ‘think on these things’ - these comforting, tender, and rock-solid, never-changing truths about God’s care and concern for us - rather than focus on our own faulty thoughts or feelings.  Regardless of the difficulty and pain of life’s circumstances, ‘these things’ are what is true and real about God!” (p. 27). 

God has written the truth about Himself into the stars.  We can’t see Him, but we can see His work, and we can know His heart through His Word. Thinking on those truths about Him helps correct my perspective, which is the starting point for finding strength and comfort.  But I also have to wait for Him.  

“Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; 

They will mount up with wings like eagles,

They will run and not get tired,

They will walk and not become weary” (Isaiah 40:31).

Waiting for a baby does not give me strength.  

Neither did waiting for a diagnosis.

For an appointment with a specific doctor.  

For helpful test results. 

For a positive pregnancy test.

For a certain treatment to work.

For lifestyle changes to affect my body.  

Neither does waiting for an adoption call.  

For a birth mother to choose us.

For meeting our little one.

For finalization.  

All of it zaps my strength and energy and reminds me of how very human I am.  

But waiting for God is different.  Waiting for Him means I am trusting and leaning into Him - the One who knows me better than anyone, who cares about me more than anyone, and who has promised that somehow He will use everything that comes into my life for good (Romans 8:28).  It means I am abiding in Him - looking to Him moment by moment for each decision and turning into His arms when life hurts.  It means that I will not be disappointed because the object of my hope and wait is first of all Him - and He will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).

Another quote from Elizabeth George’s book struck me as I was reading last night:

“While waiting on God’s will regarding marriage, Jim Elliot wrote to his future wife, Elisabeth Howard, ‘Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living.’  Commenting on his wisdom decades later, Mrs. Elisabeth Elliot wrote, ‘We accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it.’  God is adequate” (p. 50). 

God is adequate.  He is more than enough.  I can only ever be satisfied and content with Him.  I can only ever be happy and holy with Him.  Every other good thing in this life is a grace - a gift that I do not deserve and could never earn.  He gives so much in the gift of Himself alone - and He blesses us abundantly on top of that.  I can keep going another day when He is the One I’m waiting for. 

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Comfort & Strength in the Waiting (Part 5): Isaiah 40:12-17

            Jon has done his share of waiting on me.  We’ve been married for 8.5 years, and he still doesn’t understand why anyone would take longer than 5 seconds to get ready for bed.  The worst wait I’ve inflicted on him was during our wedding ceremony.  He stood at the front of the church and looked to the closed doors at the end of the aisle.  They should be opening.  Why weren’t they opening?  The questioning eyes of a few hundred people bounced back and forth from the doors to his face.  Seconds felt like hours, and as they continued to pass, he couldn’t help but wonder if I’d worn Nikes instead of heels.  Still, the doors stayed shut.  Panic eventually overshadowed confusion, and his brain raced to figure out what he should do – what he could do.  Waiting longer was far too uncomfortable, but what other option did he have?

            Waiting is fertile ground for the weeds of fear and control.  I checked our wedding video, and the flower girls reached the stage about 90 seconds before I appeared on screen.  Those 90 seconds had Jon worrying he’d been jilted and searching for a way to change or control the situation.  His reaction wasn’t unique.  Abraham and Sarah gave in to fear when Sarah couldn’t become pregnant, and they took control to force the outcome they wanted.  Abraham slept with Sarah’s servant, and everyone involved felt the pain of running ahead of God’s plan (Genesis 16).  When Samuel wasn’t showing up on time, Saul saw the massive Philistine army and his scattering people and feared that the odds were becoming less and less in his favor.  With the pressure building, he made the rash decision to disobey God and to do Samuel’s job of offering the burnt offering.  Of course, Samuel showed up as soon as the deed was done.  Samuel called Saul out and told him that he had no one but himself to blame for the ending of his royal line (1 Samuel 13).    

            I don’t like waiting, and when the discomfort of it gets to be unbearable, I too start looking for an escape.  My mind runs ahead with made-up (often worst-case) scenarios and what-ifs.  When I get tired of going in mental circles and grieving hypotheticals, I switch to action.  I research, prepare, and work – both to distract myself and to try to manipulate my way out of the wait.  After all, I can do anything I set my mind to, right?  Am I not the “master of my fate” and “captain of my soul?” 

          

Isaiah 40:12-17 puts me back in my place and restores my perspective. 

“¹²Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand,

And marked off the heavens by the span,

And calculated the dust of the earth by the measure,

And weighed the mountains in a balance

And the hills in a pair of scales?

 

¹³Who has directed the Spirit of the LORD,

Or as His counselor has informed Him?

¹⁴With whom did He consult and who gave Him understanding?

And who taught Him in the path of justice and taught Him knowledge

And informed Him of the way of understanding?

 

¹⁵Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket,

And are regarded as a speck of dust on the scales;

Behold, He lifts up the islands like fine dust.

¹⁶Even Lebanon is not enough to burn,

Nor its beasts enough for a burnt offering.

¹⁷All the nations are as nothing before Him,

They are regarded by Him as less than nothing and meaningless.” 

    

In these words, I see God comforting His people as they waited for His deliverance from captivity.  To them, Babylon seemed too big a foe, but God reminds them just how big, how wise, and how powerful He is.  If He can hold the oceans in His hand, a “drop from a bucket” like Babylon is no problem for Him.  My infertility is no problem for Him.  $35,000 of adoption costs are no problem for Him.  Your obstacles, fears, and hang-ups are no problem for Him either.  We can trust Him – when doubts and fears arise, we need only to remind ourselves of who our Father is.  Keep holding on, and watch for Him; He will show up.        

These verses don’t just remind me who God is – they remind me who I am not.  The obvious answer to the questions posed is “no one.”  God alone can measure “the sky between His thumb and little finger” (MSG), and He doesn’t need to be taught or counseled by anyone.  When I read verse 13, the thought hit me: How often have I tried to counsel God in my prayers?  There is a difference between humbly presenting our requests with a heart submitted to His will and laying out a “honey-do” list and expecting God to bend to our will and way.  I am the one in need of counseling.  Do I listen to Him as much as I talk? 

            You and I are only human, and our human nature drives us to put ourselves on the throne of our hearts.  Because of sin, our natural desire is to want to be the god of our own lives.  We forget just how bad we are at it until we fall flat on our face again.  We were never meant to bear that job.  Our shoulders aren’t broad enough, and our wisdom is limited and faulty.  Allowing God His rightful place in our hearts through worship and submission doesn’t put us in chains.  It frees our hearts to rest and to enjoy life through the wait and in spite of the pain. 

            When the discomfort of the wait pressures you to act out of fear, remember who God is and who you are not.  It’s not your job to fix it or force it.  Do only what He leads you to do.  Trust Him to act (or withhold action) according to His limitless expanses of wisdom and power.  When you fail, remember that the same God sent His Son, Jesus, to take the punishment for you.  Continue forward in His grace and refuse to allow shame and guilt to trip you up further.  Keep bringing your eyes back to Him, and keep getting your rear end off the throne.  God has given us all we need to wait well in the gift of Himself, but we need to let Him be God.                     

 

I know you are all dying to know… so here’s the other side of our wedding ceremony story:

 

Jon didn’t know that I was also staring at those infernal doors.  For me, time was going far too fast.  My dad and I stood, arms linked, as I took deep breaths and tried to decide if I could make it down the aisle without vomiting.  My wedding coordinator offered to walk down the aisle next to me with a vase, but the thought mortified me.  Heightened nerves, July heat, little food, and a dress that was tied too tight made my head spin and my stomach flip.  With a room full of people waiting, I had to bite the bullet and just go.  Finally, the doors opened, and I made my way to my groom with all my stomach contents in place.  The whole room breathed a sigh of relief and prayed for a short ceremony.   

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Comfort & Strength in the Waiting: Part 4 (Isaiah 40:9-11)

The year 2020 has been a “Where is God in this?” kind of year.

A global pandemic.
Economic stress.
A passionately divided election.
Racial tension.
Natural disasters.
Spikes in suicides and mental health problems.
Fear, division, and conflict on all fronts.
A loss of normalcy.

The start of 2021 brings with it a sense of cautious hope for some, while the more skeptical prepare for another year that they don’t think will be much better. In times like these, it’s easier to understand why the unbelieving masses scoff at the idea that any God, let alone a good God, is here. The truth of a sovereign and loving God appears absurd to those who see only the current state of our world apart from the metanarrative of Scripture. It’s hard enough for those of us who do believe to wrestle through the paradoxes of suffering and blessing, of justice and mercy, of a good God and a broken world.

I imagine that the people of Judah had a hard time believing the good news of deliverance when it was proclaimed to them through their captivity as well. In Isaiah 40:9, the messengers are told to declare “Here is your God!” at the top of their lungs from a mountaintop without fear. Judah’s long exile in Babylon, though a consequence of her own choices, would no doubt have screamed, “Where? We certainly don’t see Him here!” The weariness of decades of waiting would have taken its toll.


“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for; the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1).


The concept of faith has been watered down to a nice sentiment of wishful thinking. In reality, it is a firm conviction of what is true regardless of any circumstances that may seem to contradict that truth. It is based on evidence (faith gets its value from its object), and it is fleshed out through obedience. The “hall of faith” in Hebrews 11 is full of people who believed God and obeyed what He was calling them to do even through the most wretched of circumstances and even when doing so made them look ridiculous to others who were watching.

The people of Hebrews 11 did not believe blindly, and neither did God’s exiled people. They were not asked to believe in a God who hid away in the shadows but one who revealed His character. Isaiah 40:10-11 provides a picture of the God who rules with strength and might of a lion alongside gentleness and tenderness of a lamb. He is a sovereign God worthy of all submission, loyalty, trust, and devotion. He also humbled Himself to walk the earth as a man and suffer a criminal’s death so that He could set us free and hold us close. He is power and compassion together. He is truth and grace together. He is our competent and capable Leader and our understanding and caring Father.

What would our world be like if all our leaders possessed such qualities? The Bible gives us hope that we will not always be subject to authorities who are shifty, corrupt, arrogant, deceitful, and selfish. Verses 10 and 11 not only show God’s character, but they also point us to a glorious future where Jesus will return at His second coming and reign in righteousness for one thousand years on earth (commonly called the Millennium) before the final judgment and the creation of a new heaven and new earth.


“For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;
And the government will rest on His shoulders;
And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).


While you wait for the provision of a new job, for the end of social distancing, for the return of large-scale gatherings, or whatever it is you are waiting for, you can find comfort and strength by cultivating your faith. Remind yourself of who God says He is, and look forward to the day when He will return and make all things right. Remember that He is here – He has not abandoned us. Listen to Mike Donehey’s new podcast, “Chasing the Beauty,” for more ideas on how to look for God in your everyday life. Trust that even through 2020, God has been causing “all things to work together for good to those who love [Him], to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). Keep obeying Him, don’t grow weary of doing good, and know that “He is a rewarder of those who seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6b). If you seek Him, you will find Him – He wants to be found.

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Comfort & Strength in the Waiting: Part 2 (Isaiah 40:3-5)

           I am currently preparing for my upcoming surgery, which involves a lot of phone calls, e-mails, scheduling, re-scheduling, arranging, and organizing. I’ve put together my 4th home file for working with my clinic, complete with dividers inside and a schedule attached to the front. I’ve secured a place to stay in the town where I’ll be having surgery and requested the appropriate amount of time off of work. I’ve read through my pre-op packet so that I know which medications and supplements to stop and when. I’ve reviewed the notes from the communication logs from my past surgeries to figure out the quickest, most efficient way to get financial estimates with the fewest phone calls.

[Free tip: keep a call log involving communication about anything medical – write down the date, the name of the person you talked to, the department that person was from, the direct phone number for that person (if possible), and the gist of the conversation.  If they don’t offer this information automatically, or if you forget it as you are talking to them, ask them for it at the end of the conversation.  It is so helpful to have later, trust me!]

            Something like surgery obviously requires some amount of preparation.  What may be less obvious is that accessing the comfort and strength God promises also requires some prep work.  We want the comfort, and we want the strength, but if our hearts have been neglected and cluttered up with sin, untended wounds, and distrust, we will have an impossibly hard time receiving those things.  It would be like trying to apply a registration sticker to a dirty license plate – the sticker will likely just fall off, if you can even get it to stick in the first place. 

            Isaiah 40:3-5 is used in all four gospels (the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) in reference to John the Baptist.  John’s job was to prepare the way for Jesus.  His message was one of repentance and of dealing with sin.  When we repent, we change our mind to fully agree with what God says about sin.  This change of mind naturally directs us to change our behaviors (Romans 12:2 tells us that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds). With this message, John helped prepare the hearts of the people – to smooth out the rough edges and clear out the debris – so that they were ready to receive and believe in Jesus when He came.

            John’s message didn’t leave his listeners despondent or defensive like we might assume (though I’m sure he probably had a few who responded that way).  Luke 3:15 records that the people who heard John speak were left in a state of waiting expectantly.  Some even wondered if John himself was the Messiah, though He quickly corrected them and pointed them to the One who would come after him.  The point of dealing with sin through repentance isn’t to leave us trapped in shame, crushed under the weight of our guilt, or restricted to a robotic and boring cookie cutter life.  On the contrary, dealing with sin is the path toward restoration, healing, freedom, and hope. 

We must be diligent to keep our hearts clear of all that doesn’t fit with the way God designed us to live.  As we do that, we ensure that our hearts are prepared to see God’s glory when it is revealed, to accept the love and comfort He offers, and to rely on His strength in an act of trust.  If we are not careful to tend to our hearts, particularly during seasons of waiting, we will find ourselves much more often and much more quickly falling into despondence, desperation, and weariness. We rob ourselves of the richness of God’s fellowship and presence when we focus so much on preparing outwardly for whatever it is we are waiting for that we fail to do the work inwardly. 

It’s an easy mistake to make.  Particularly with waiting for a pregnancy, I have neglected my heart several times in my determination to do “all the things” to try and make the physical outcome happen.  You’ve read it before in my posts, so I don’t need to repeat all the things I’ve been doing to try to get pregnant.  Most of it is outward and physical, and it is easy to get so busy and wrapped up in it all that I don’t realize how messy my heart has become.  Just like the laundry that is never done, our hearts need constant maintenance.  They don’t automatically stay clean once we know Jesus. One day, we will be free from the very presence of sin, but for today, it still lives and wars inside us.  It often sneaks in undetected while we are distracted, like mold does.  Coasting is not an option – we have to be diligent and intentional in keeping our hearts clean and prepared. 

Thankfully, those of us who trust in Jesus have the Holy Spirit – another subject John spoke of frequently with great anticipation in conjunction with his message of repentance.  The Holy Spirit helps us to understand God’s Word so that we can know how we are to live.  He also guides and leads us as we remain sensitive to Him and walk with Him throughout every step of our day.  However, we can also stifle Him and drown out His voice by refusing to act on His prompts and by harboring sin in our hearts and refusing to give it up.  He helps us prepare our hearts to receive the blessings God has to offer, but we still have to do our part or we will silence His voice in our lives until we finally decide to cooperate in dealing with the mess.

            When we are hurting and waiting, we want instant comfort and strength without much effort.  God gives it to us every day in various ways, but if our hearts aren’t prepared to receive it, we will miss it.  We cannot afford to wait passively and “let ourselves go” spiritually.  Nearness to our God is so important in times of waiting, and we have to do the work to make sure our hearts are always ready to hear from Him, to believe Him, and to accept whatever He deems good.  If we refuse to take care of our hearts, we are really choosing to rely on our own drained strength.  God has provided a better way.  We just have to take it.  

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Comfort & Strength in the Waiting: Prologue

        Two words have repeatedly cropped up in my mind over the past several months.  They started as brief whispers – faint apparitions of warning that faded into the background nearly as quickly as they had appeared.  With each passing week, they’ve grown louder, more insistent, more firm, and more tenacious.  Each morning temperature read, each appointment scheduled, each ovulation and pregnancy test taken, each pill swallowed, each castor oil pack applied, each hovering decision remaining unmade, each inflammatory food rejected, each medication injected, and each treatment attempted has accumulated into a massive boulder sitting on my chest with the two words etched into its side.  The weight of it has grown so heavy – it’s growth so gradual that it went largely unnoticed (at least by me) until recently – that it has been suffocating me. 

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Striving.  Weary. 

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I can’t count the number of times Tenth Avenue North’s songs “By Your Side” and “Worn” have started playing in my head lately:

* * *

“Why are you striving these days?

Why are you trying to earn grace?

Why are you crying?

Let me life up your face; just don’t turn away”

* * *

“I’m tired, I’m worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing”

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        Mentally and emotionally, I have been caught in the cycle of going two steps forward and three steps back.  Another song lyric caught my attention during one of my work commutes the other day.  Confession time: I like listening to country music when I drive.  Most other genres either add to my tension and anxiety (driving stresses me out) or lull me into a dazed sleepiness (also not good while driving). Anyway, the lyric was this: “In a race you can’t win, just slow it down.”  While Thomas Rhett’s “Be a Light” has nothing to do with infertility, this lyric stuck with me for a couple reasons.  First, “slow it down” appeals to the part of me that is weary down to my bones of trying to keep track and keep up with all that I’ve been trying to do in the infertility arena in addition to juggling all of life’s regular demands, additional struggles, and worldwide stressors.  Second, some days it sure feels like infertility is a race that I can’t win. 

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        However, I’ve been examining how I view the end of this race; is it one that I’ve really won once I finally have a baby of my own in my arms?  Or does it go deeper than that? And is pushing so hard to get there faster wasting away the life and joy inside of me so much that there won’t be anything left by the time I’ve “arrived?”  A few hours before writing this, I listened to a podcast episode of Joy + Infertility with Cathie Quillet, M.A., LMFT (I highly recommend it for anyone who has experienced infertility or pregnancy loss as part of their story).  Among many other things, Cathie explained how brain scans have shown that “the crisis of an infertility diagnosis has the same weight as a cancer diagnosis.”  Infertility is a trauma.  As such, it has to be dealt with head-on now (not avoided), or it will inevitably lead to problems down the road, regardless of whether or not parenthood is achieved.  One example she gave was that research has shown that women who have gone through infertility are at higher risk for postpartum depression and anxiety.  Infertility can also break a marriage.  The trauma of infertility cannot be fixed by a pregnancy or a baby.  She expanded on this idea with a challenge that really struck a chord with me: “If you’re still not pregnant in six months, how can we [still] live really well?  Because that is a lot of pressure to put on a pregnancy to make you happy if you’ve been living with a brain that looks like PTSD for how long.  That is an unreliable source of joy and happiness for you.”

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        I went in for a fertility (abdominal) massage this week with the masseuse that was recommended by a friend.  I have been to her a few times before, and she is phenomenal both in her work and in her demeanor and encouragement.  She prays over me and with me and is one of the most compassionate people I know.  I explained to her that I’ve had pain return and gradually worsen over the past several months and that my doctor has recommended another surgery because she suspects that my endometriosis is back.  She let me know that fertility massage is contraindicated in cases of endometriosis, so instead I just got a regular massage.  Afterward, we visited about how I’m doing emotionally, and she said she really feels like we need to take a break – that Jon and I need to get away together and rediscover the joy of life again.  Ironically, we were planning on taking a long overdue vacation this fall, but it will need to be postponed because of surgery.

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        A friend from my freshman year of Bible college unexpectedly reached out to me saying that God had been impressing me on her heart that day, and she asked how I was doing.  She reached out on the very day when both my period started and my parents had to put down the miniature schnauzer that we got when I was sixteen.  My luteal phase had been longer than normal, and I had been experiencing several pregnancy symptoms.  I knew they were most likely happening because my doctor had switched me to HCG shots (HCG is the hormone that causes pregnancy symptoms and that causes an at-home pregnancy test to turn positive), but I had still gotten my hopes up more than normal.  Baxter was effectively my emotional support dog through all my tumultuous dating years and my entrance into adulthood.  He continued to be a comfort to me whenever I visited my parents through all the early marriage struggles, the multiple occurrences of uprooting and moving in the midst of unpleasant circumstances, and the five and half years so far of trying to conceive.  I felt so beat up that day, and my friend’s message was a tangible reminder that even after all this time, God still hasn’t forgotten me.               

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        You see, though all these voices (and more) from unexpected sources have spoken to my heart in different and meaningful ways to reflect my own heart back to me and to help me see how this striving and weariness are taking their toll, I know there is ultimately one Voice behind it all.  With the words “striving” and “weary” appearing in my mind on a nearly constant loop, I finally grabbed my phone, opened up the Bible app, and typed “weary” into the search bar.  Of course, the first verse that popped up was Matthew 11:28: “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”  While I love that verse, I knew I needed to keep looking.  After reading a few more verses on the list, Isaiah 40:29-30 drew me in: “He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.  Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly….”  I had to open the whole chapter to read more.  Then, I had to go back and start from the beginning of the chapter.  Before I knew it, I was reaching for commentaries, opening up the exegetical and passage guides in my Logos Bible Software program, and grabbing a notepad to jot down an outline of the main ideas from the chapter.  I am still wrestling through the passage and deciding if and how to break up the content, but keep an eye out for future posts if you want to journey with me as I dig deeper into how to find comfort and strength as I wait on the Lord.    

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