God is still working. Don’t let your social media feeds tell you otherwise. I know He can be hard to see through the division and the emotional turmoil. But if you pause the scroll and look for Him, you will find Him. His work isn’t done.
Jon and I have seen it up close. After praying for years, God answered with Harper. She is a gift and a blessing. And God did more than give us the privilege of calling her our daughter. Looking back, we can see His care and guiding hand in many ways.
One of the most obvious was by providing the financing for our adoption. Using everything from our own saving efforts to gifts from friends and family to unexpected fundraisers planned on our behalf - God moved that mountain. One of our friends (an adoptive parent himself) said it’s like God has a huge pile of money set aside just for adoption with people who He’s given a heart for it. We were so amazed to see how He used many of you to help make the impossible possible.
At the end of July 2021, we got a call about our first official adoption match. We were caught in a brief, intense whirlwind that lasted 2 weeks before the birth mom backed out. We were disappointed and hated the thought of starting over. But God comforted us and gave us peace. That wasn’t our baby.
Just days after our match fell through, we found out that another birth mom wanted to speak with us. We felt cautious after our first experience. But our agency had said that you never know why God has placed you in a birth mom’s life - even if it is only for a short time and doesn’t lead to a successful adoption. We may never fully know why God connected us with the first birth mom. We do know God used that experience to teach us how we needed to go into our second match. We were called to love and be there for this birth mom as long as she needed us - even if it meant she only needed us to be an option. She was Harper’s birth mom.
A couple months later, that mindset helped steady our hearts when she changed her mind the first time. It wasn’t only about us and our desire to grow our family. It was also about her and the decision she was facing. We were disappointed again, but we understood that in the end she would have to make whatever choice she felt was best for her and her baby. A week later, the adoption plan was back on. Our birth mother coordinator cautioned us that this match was now riskier since the birth mom had already changed her mind once. But we knew what God had shown us - we were called to walk with her as long as she needed us and no matter what the outcome would be. Our birth mom was due mid-November.
God knew we’d need more than a healthy mindset in the days ahead. In His sovereignty, He directed our church leaders to schedule the church leadership retreat for Sunday through Wednesday the last week of October. We spent those days connecting as a couple, enjoying close community, and recharging our hearts and minds. On Thursday, I had my last day of nannying (I planned to have a couple weeks off to prepare before the baby came - ha!). Harper was born that Friday.
We were able to be with Harper from when she was born until Monday - when her birth mom changed her mind the second time. Looking back, having the leadership retreat beforehand was such a gift. We needed our hearts to be filled up ahead of time to survive what felt like the death of our child. God did that, and He also sent both sets of our parents and some of our closest friends to hold us as we fell apart the day we said goodbye. Our employers already expected us to be gone, so we were able to escape for the rest of that week to my parents’ house. We were hurting deeply, but God surrounded us with His love.
We came home to an empty house and a half-eaten bottle of formula I couldn’t throw away. But mercifully, the house didn’t stay empty long. We arrived home over the weekend and brought Harper home for good on Tuesday. Our miracle girl. She is the beauty that God brought out of the ashes.
We couldn’t always see God working in the midst of it all. But He was. And we know He still is (our baby hasn’t gone hungry through a formula recall and a formula shortage!). He’s not done with us, and He’s not done with you. Take heart. Only God can make light out of the darkness. Seek Him and you will find Him. He is good. And in Him, there is still hope.