Love Keeps No Records

Record-keeping is my jam.  If it can be quantified, listed, color-coded, or categorized, I’ve got a spreadsheet, an app, a binder, or a file for it.  For our Pope Paul VI testing alone, I have a journal, a hard file (with dividers, of course), and an e-file (with sub-files and sub-sub-files).  The information pack-rat inside of me insists on keeping anything that may be necessary to reference in the future, and my firstborn tendencies demand that I keep it all organized enough that it can be readily and easily accessed.  Such is the life of an accountant’s daughter.

My passion for keeping neat, accurate records arises, at least in part, from my beaver personality (read The Two Sides of Love by Gary Smalley & John Trent).  We beavers are known for our affinity for precision, accuracy, and detail, but we are also characterized by our emphasis on the past.  We put a lot of stock into what has already happened, and our thoughts and decisions are often rooted in the past.  Before jumping in, we like to see that an idea or method has been tested and proven to be practical and effective over time.  Shady track records and patterns of inconsistency are nearly impossible for us to overlook.  These God-given traits are good and necessary for many aspects of society, work, and life to function.  However, as with any other personality traits, they lend themselves to certain weaknesses when misused or taken to extremes.       

Last week, we started a series at The Crossing Fellowship titled “The New Rules for Love, Sex, & Dating.”  On a side note, my husband is going to be delivering the message on sex; I haven’t decided for sure whether or not I should go MIA that weekend (kidding…sort of …).  Anyway, during last week’s message we talked about chemistry problems versus relationship problems, becoming the right person instead of looking for (or trying to make your spouse into) the “right” person, and what love in a relationship really looks like.  Check out the full message here, or visit The Crossing’s Facebook page here.  We spent some time in 1 Corinthians 13, and the end of one verse grabbed onto me in a way that it never has before: “[love] keeps no record of being wronged” (NLT).

I rarely lash out, and I am not easily provoked to all-out anger, but we’ve already established that I am assuredly a record-keeper, and this area is no exception.  Of course I don’t keep physical, written records of all the ways I’ve been hurt or irritated, but they are written in my heart and mind just the same.  When I am not very careful and intentional to keep short accounts by dealing with the hurt, sealing up those records with forgiveness, and letting them go through trust in my God, they simmer and intensify with bitterness as the record lengthens.  I have some golden retriever (another Smalley/Trent reference) in me too that prefers to keep the peace and avoid confrontation as much as possible, which only exacerbates the problem.  As I reach the boiling point, smaller things upset me much more quickly, and I begin to burn everyone around me as the turmoil in my heart inevitably bubbles to the surface (we talked about this extensively at The Crossing in the series “Me & My Big Mouth”). 

I have a long way to go, but God is teaching me to love better.  He is constantly reminding me that He does not keep a record of my sins and that I need to love and forgive as He loves and forgives.  He tugs at my heart and lets me know when I need to deal with something, and I’m trying to listen and be more eagerly obedient to that nudge.  I am also learning that sometimes I have to be willing to look past the track record and see people as God sees them.  In His eyes, I am already glorified in Christ (Rom. 8:29, 30).  In His eyes, they are either glorified in Christ or lost in their unbelief.  Either way, they are a work in progress just as I am, they are valuable, and they need to be shown love and respect.  Our lead pastor, Eric, has often encouraged us to treat our spouses (or anyone, for that matter) as if they are already the person we hope they will become.  Isn’t that how we want to be treated?  We all need people to believe in us and who we can become through Christ.  Even though I naturally look to the past, I am learning to turn my eyes instead to the future – to ditch my records and, with hope, trust in God and what He can and will do in me and in those around me.

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