Phillips News & Summer Highlights

            This summer has felt remarkably similar to a time-lapse video.  For the blog, I’ve been missing in action through most of that time, so I decided to give you all some of the highlights and some of the lessons God has been teaching me (or re-enforcing) along the way. 

 

June

Maranatha Camps

For Jon, three of the four weeks in June were spent at Maranatha Bible Camp.  Each week he played a different role: cabin leader, emcee, and worship leader.  I visited camp occasionally during those weeks when I could.  While I missed having him at home (and I was admittedly a little jealous that I wasn’t able to be there too), I loved getting to see him invest in the lives of both campers and camp staff by using many of the ways God has gifted him.  During this time, we also both began walking alongside one of the camp staffers who had just graduated high school as she made some big decisions for this upcoming school year.         

 

Infertility: Re-Direct

In my last infertility update, I mentioned that we were looking into IUI.  As I researched, I still felt uneasy with that route, so I reached out to several friends who have gone through infertility.  One of those friends introduced me to NaProTechnology, Creighton Model Charting, and the Pope Paul VI Institute.  We decided to pursue that avenue of testing, and in June, my FertilityCare practitioner (who was teaching me the charting method) told me that she suspected I might have endometriosis, along with some other issues.  However, I had to complete two months of charting (which also involved several follow-up appointments with my teacher) before I could begin working with the doctors at the PPVI Institute in Omaha.       

New Nephew

In June, Jon’s brother and his wife welcomed their second child, Mark Erin Phillips III, into the world.  We now have five nephews and two nieces on that side!

July

Independence Day

By the 4^th of July, Maranatha still wasn’t sick of us, so they asked us to play some music for their big 4^th of July event.  It was another great opportunity for us to connect with some of Maranatha’s staff, and it was just plain fun!

            Infertility: Initial Consultation

I completed my two months of charting right as we were leaving for Grace Haven.  I had already gathered all of the necessary documents for a long-distance consultation with the PPVI Institute in Omaha (medical records, detailed cover letter, fee, etc.), so we put it all together, and dropped it off with my parents on the way to Utah so that they could get it sent off right after the weekend. 

Grace Haven Bible Camp

For the third consecutive year, Jon was asked to speak at Grace Haven Bible Camp in Utah.  This time, I was able to go with him (I am so thankful for a fairly flexible job and parents who were willing to take on our three dogs in addition to their own two for a whole week!).  There are some pretty awesome people whom we get to work with when we go out there (including some FSB alumni friends), and we have thoroughly enjoyed getting to see the familiar faces of several campers from year to year.  Grace Haven is a little out of my comfort zone as far as creepy-crawly things, rustic living, and extreme games, but I can’t help loving it anyway.  It’s good to be stretched. 

This year, I was so encouraged by the transformation we saw in one girl.  She came to Jon and I with a huge list of tough questions, and we spent a couple hours with her going over them.

(By the way, one of my absolute favorite things to do with my husband is to work together in counseling students.  We complement each other so well in being able to offer completely different perspectives, illustrations, and explanations.  These precious moments make me appreciate him so much!)     

We left that initial meeting a little discouraged because she was still unsure and confused about a few things.  As we prayed for her over the course of the week and as other camp leaders invested into her, eventually something clicked, and she put her faith in Christ not long before camp ended.  This was such a huge gesture of affection from God toward my own heart.  After having prayed for months and years about some things in my life with seemingly very little change, it overwhelmed my heart to see Him act so quickly and so drastically in this young girl’s life.          

Austin’s Wedding

The weekend after Grace Haven, one of our good friends from our life group in Scottsbluff got married.  Our life group transparently and vulnerably walked through some really tough seasons together, and they hold such a special place in our hearts.  I was reminded again of how important it is to be authentic and to intentionally pursue deep friendships.  We’ve talked before about how we never would have chosen each other.  If we hadn’t all gone to the same life group launch, we likely never would have become more than acquaintances.  God was so gracious to throw us all together in the midst of our mess, and I’m so glad we didn’t miss out because we weren’t willing to give each other a chance.   

  

Babysitting

The weekend after the wedding, I babysat our friends’ spunky, bright three-year-old in North Platte.  I also babysat her consistently from the age of 8 months to 13 months when we all lived in the panhandle.  This is another family we just absolutely adore.  While it was exhausting taking care of her largely by myself for the weekend (I have crazy respect for people who single parent), I love getting to be a part of her life.  She just brings so much joy.    

She’s currently in the “why” stage, and God used that to make me think about the ways that I ask Him the same question.  Sometimes it’s out of curiosity or a true desire to know the answer, but I know other times I use it as a way to try and make Him justify His actions or His commands to me.  He is God and I am not, and I don’t always have to know why in order to be obedient or to trust His character.             

August

            Infertility: Review Letter & Beginning Testing

On August 1, we received our consultation letter from the doctor in Omaha who reviewed our case.  She agreed with my charting teacher that my charts and history displayed several characteristics of a variety of issues, including endometriosis.  She recommended a whole slew of tests, starting with a thorough hormone evaluation.  I will get my blood drawn locally approximately thirteen times in the span of a month, and then it will all be shipped to the National Hormone Lab in Omaha so they can run the tests themselves.  Many of the other tests (including diagnostic surgery) will occur under anesthesia during a 7-10 day stay in Omaha.  Within 6-8 weeks, someone will call me to schedule the stay in Omaha.  The stay itself will likely be in 3-4 months, since that is the typical wait time for all of their doctors.  At the end of the testing, the doctor will meet with me to discuss the results and treatment options.  I started the blood draws this last Saturday.  One day, I was feeling particularly fearful about the blood draws and about the potential treatments I was reading about (progesterone shots sound like torture), and I opened my devotional book to see the title “Do Not Fear” and the verse 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  This was another sweet moment for me to realize that yes, God still sees me.    

Sterling

The first weekend in August involved a wedding, my sister-in-law’s baby shower (nephew #6 –  #1 one on my side – is due to arrive in just a few weeks!), Grandma Ruth’s 80^th birthday party, and worship service at the church I grew up in.  My mom asked me to come down for the weekend to help her with the many cakes and cupcakes she had gotten herself into.  The weekend was insanely busy, but I enjoyed getting to take part in all of the festivities, getting to spend time with my parents, and getting to briefly see so many people from my childhood.      

 

Class Reunion Weekend

This weekend was no less busy.  On Friday, I went to North Platte for a monthly life group made up of several Berean pastors’ wives (led by the wife of the president of the fellowship – Diane Mathis).  Spending time with other ministry wives has been so valuable!  Saturday’s main event was my 10^th year high school reunion.  Once we got past the slightly awkward beginning phase, Jon and I settled in and caught up with some people I’ve kept contact with and others I haven’t seen in years.  The trip to Sterling was a fast one because we had to drive back to be in Gothenburg for Family Day at The Crossing Fellowship.  Family Day involved worship led by the children’s ministry, a child dedication, a sermon about parenting, a potluck lunch, giant inflatable bounce houses, a slip ‘n slide, ga-ga ball, and a dunk tank to raise money for Backpacks for Kids.      

Visits from Utah Friends

One of the perks of living near I-80 is that we have friends coming through one direction or the other all the time!  One of our favorite ministry families from Utah was driving home this weekend after visiting relatives and stopped by for the Family Day service.  We didn’t get to see them while we were at Grace Haven this year, so we were super excited that they took the time to stop!  We also have another friend from Utah (and FSB alum) who might stop by this next week on his way home!        

Upcoming

Livin’ Out Loud

We are looking forward to Livin’ Out Loud next weekend: the annual free Christian concert that takes place essentially right in our backyard.  My parents are planning on coming to take part, and we will also have a booth for Catalyst Student Ministries this year.    

Catalyst Resumes

The weekend after Livin’ Out Loud, Catalyst Student Ministries will resume with lots of new changes!  You can check those out in the newsletter I shared earlier this week on my Facebook feed if you are curious, but we are stoked to get youth group kicked off again (we just had sporadic big events throughout the summer instead of meeting weekly) and to see what all God has in store for that ministry this year!  

If you made it all the way through this post, I am impressed!  I know so many of you reading this have invested in us in one way or another, and we are so thankful for you all!  For me, the over-arching theme of the summer has been community.  I mentioned so many different groups of people from so many different stages and areas of my life, and I just can’t imagine what life would be like without them.  People are so valuable, even to an introvert like myself.  I am so amazed at how God brings us into each other’s lives at just the right times and in just the right places.  I could go on and on about it, but since this post is already ridiculously long, I will simply say, thank you for being in my life (even if it is only in a small way).  Also, if you are one of those long distance friends and you need a stopping place on I-80, hit me up!  We’d love to see you!         

Contentment

          You know the part of the movie where the lead character has been through major relationship issues, and she (or he) searches for something to take her mind off of it?  She channel surfs for several minutes but can only find sappy romances.  After giving up on the TV, she tries to listen to the radio.  When she figures out that all of the stations are currently playing love songs, she decides to get some air.  On her walk, she sees about ten different couples.  No matter what she does, she can’t escape it. 

            The past few days have been a little like that for me, except it has been another lesson that just keeps popping up everywhere.  If God hasn’t done this with you yet, trust me, He will.  He knows that we can be thick-headed and good at ignoring or explaining away the messages He is trying to get through to us.  That, or He knows we aren’t wanting to face those areas of our life that need to be addressed.  So, He repeats Himself – using anyone and anything in our lives to get our attention.      

            On Thursday, I went to the evening chapel at Maranatha Bible Camp (my husband was at camp all week leading worship for around four hundred middle schoolers).  The subject of Pastor John Stone’s message was contentment.  One particular quote that grabbed my attention went something like this: “The secret to contentment is trusting that God is good enough and powerful enough to have already given us everything we need to live an abundant life.”  I don’t need more than what I already have to enjoy and to fulfill God’s purpose for my life today.    

I am in a ladies’ small group that is going through a study on Philippians in the First 5 app, and Friday’s study was about contentment.  The picture quote by Karen Ehman that accompanied the verses and the teaching said: “Lord, teach me to embrace my circumstances, knowing it is You alone who gives me the strength to accept where You have me right now.” Paul wrote about contentment from prison while facing all sorts of accusations.  He also wrote about how his imprisonment was advancing the gospel.  He is an amazing example of embracing unwelcome circumstances by seeing them from God’s perspective.

On Saturday morning, God brought to mind some notes that I took while reading Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes during my first year at Frontier School of the Bible.  I dug those notes out and found a quote that she used from The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs: “Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.”  I pulled out the book and re-read the chapter.  Later, Hughes writes “The rare jewel of Christian contentment will be yours when all that God is and all that He has done in Christ Jesus fills your heart.”             

            Lately, I have been anything but content.  I thought about what the opposite of Burroughs’s definition would be and came up with this: discontentment is that harried, disturbed, divided, insatiable frame of spirit, which frantically pushes against and distrusts God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.  This is where we naturally go when we want more than what God has chosen to give us.  At least, it’s where I go.  Discontentment is fueled every day by advertisements, social media, movies, TV shows, music, and more.  Of course we are inclined to be discontent!

            Contentment must be learned, and it must be intentionally chosen.  I have to choose to dwell on who God is and what He has done.  I know from experience that I end up in a far better state of mind by letting those truths fill me up than by following after Eve and suspiciously accusing Him of withholding good from me.  I have to believe that I can live abundantly now.  He has already given me every spiritual blessing and everything I need to be completely satisfied and content in Him.  This doesn’t mean that I won’t ever have desires or that I shouldn’t ever pursue my desires.  It does mean that my heart needs to be kept in check.  I need to be okay with the idea that my desires won’t be fulfilled if they do not line up with God’s will, and I need to trust that His will is good and perfect.  He should be my first pursuit.  As my heart aligns with His, I will find contentment that is independent of my circumstances and a rest that allows me to thrive and bloom exactly where I am at right now.        

Trust Issues & Lone Wolves

            We all want to believe that we can face anything on our own.  Maybe God can help a little, but we certainly don’t want to need other people.  Like the toddler who wants to do everything herself, we feel we have to prove to ourselves and to everyone else that we are strong, brave, courageous, fierce, independent, self-sufficient, and grown-up.  Besides, other people come with far too much risk.  We’ve been down that vulnerable road before, and it didn’t end well.

            The trouble is God didn’t create us to operate as lone wolves.  He placed within us an innate need for deep, real, raw relationships – not just with Himself, but with other people as well.  Sin certainly makes relationships hard.  Some of us have been shaken to our core by the lies, betrayal, cheating, insensitivity, and manipulation dealt to us by the most unexpected of sources.  Only a small taste of such use and abuse can make the sheltered life of the lone wolf suddenly appear irresistibly attractive. 

            If that is where you are, I am genuinely so sorry for the very real and legitimate wounds that have brought you to this place.  However, can I encourage you not to give up completely on allowing yourself to trust other people and to be open with them?  Obviously, we need to have discernment with regard to whom we trust, and we don’t have to let the whole world see our entire lives.  Nevertheless, I’ve struggled alone and I’ve struggled alongside others, and I can tell you that the benefits of being transparent (even if it’s only with a few) far outweigh the risks associated with being close to other sinful people.  Here are five of the benefits I have found in allowing myself to be vulnerable:   

1.  Intimacy (Closeness)

       Relationships are built around knowing and being known.  The more we know, the tighter the bond between us becomes (even though the risk also becomes much higher for greater hurts).  Our unseen hearts, the truest depths of who we are, long to be seen and understood.  We want close bonds.  Close marriages, close friendships, and other close family relationships cannot exist where one or both of the parties refuse to be vulnerable.  If we hold back from being truly known by anyone else, we forfeit the closeness that we so desperately crave.       

2.  Ability to Help Others

       Being open about your own struggles provides opportunities to make a difference in the lives of those you may never have been able to otherwise.  Often, a gesture of transparency and trust on one side allows the other person to feel safe enough to reciprocate that transparency and trust.  Needs to which you would have been completely oblivious suddenly become rich opportunities for service.   

3.  Ability to Receive Help

       When we’ve been hurt, our natural instinct is to put up tall, foreboding, impermeable walls of distrust.  Those walls we build in an attempt to protect ourselves from more pain end up becoming our prison.  No one can come in to hurt, but no one can come in to help either.  Inadvertently, we lock ourselves away alone with our struggles where they can slowly eat away at us from the inside out – crippling us to the point where we don’t even recognize who we are anymore. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10

 

4.  Strength for Your Weakness

       God made us with our own unique set of strengths and weaknesses.  No one is strong in every area.  When we allow people into our hearts and lives, their strengths can balance out our weaknesses so that we are stronger together than when we were apart.  We can learn from each other, keep each other accountable, and spur each other on in the areas where we are lacking.      

5.  Hope

       When I’ve tried to face trials alone, all I can see is the mountain in front of me and the fact that God has not chosen to move it yet.  When I’ve walked alongside others in the same struggle as a result of being transparent, I still see my own mountain, but I also see how God is currently working and moving the mountains that my friends are facing.  Seeing Him work in the lives of others gives me hope that He hasn’t forgotten me and that I will eventually see His work in my own life clearly.

I am so thankful for the many people God has placed in my life in different times and different places.  Yes, I’ve been hurt by some (just as I have hurt others), but those hurts cannot compare with what I’ve gained by allowing people into my heart.  I cannot adequately express just how valuable many of those relationships have been to me.  To all those who have walked with me (and are currently walking with me) in the darkness and the haziness that life sometimes brings, thank you for your vulnerability, for your transparency, and for your trust.  Thank you for being a safe place. To those who are reading this who have never experienced what it is like to do life with other people – real, raw, unfiltered life –  please find your people!  If you don’t know how, talk to God about it.  Talk to me about it.  Talk to someone about it until you can find your safe people.  We need each other, whether we like it or not.