When Life Isn't Fair

Hesitant Helpers

Fairness is ingrained into our very beings from a young age.  We want everyone and everything to be fair.  I remember mumbling under my breath as a young child when a teacher would tell the whole class to pick up any trash that was around us, even if it didn't belong to us.  I did not put the trash there, so why should I have to pick it up?  It wasn't fair.  That younger version of myself didn't understand why I, a child who threw my trash in the trash can, had to endure the same consequences as the children who just let their trash drop wherever they happened to be standing.  My focus was on myself: what I had done, what I deserved, what I didn't deserve, and what I felt others did or didn't deserve.

Now, I am a youth pastor's wife, and my husband and I often tell our students to pick up trash or leftover belongings that don't necessarily belong to them.  It has nothing to do with what they do or don't deserve and everything to do with the greater good of all who are there.  When everyone pitches in and picks up even what doesn't belong to them, then chances are better that nothing will be left behind.  The whole process of cleaning also goes much faster if everyone helps, not to mention the fact that cleaning up trash is such an easy task and one that definitely doesn't warrant any amount of great concern.  In other words, it isn't a big deal.

Hidden Heartaches

As an adult, I still have those times when I feel like life isn't fair, and I know I am not alone in that.  But now, the issues aren't quite so insignificant and are not so easily settled in our minds by the thought of the greater good.  The couple who has built a solid financial, spiritual, and marital foundation wonders why they are unable to conceive a child.  The man who worked so hard earning degrees and gaining experience questions why he has still been unable to find a job.  The teenager who was so dedicated to his significant other can't understand why he is now suffering from a broken heart.  The woman who has always maintained a healthy lifestyle has no idea how to come to terms with the fact that she has just been diagnosed with cancer.  The family that has never touched a drop of alcohol loses a member to a drunk driving accident.

We fall prey to the mindset that if we have done everything right that we shouldn't ever have to experience pain or suffering.  Because that wouldn't be fair.  But we know it still happens.

I've been battling with the question of fairness over many issues in my life for several months now.  In some areas, I guess it has been years.  I fall into the trap of comparing.  Comparing what I've done with what I'm experiencing.  Comparing what I've done and what I'm experiencing with what others have done and what they're experiencing.  Comparing what I wish would happen and think should happen with what is actually happening.  All this comparing leaves me defeated, discouraged, and distrusting of everyone, including my Lord.

Hope

Yet, He hasn't given up on me.

He sets me straight again by renewing my mind (Rom. 12:2), setting me free with truth, and adjusting my perspective.  

He reminds me that He does have a plan for my life that is good (Rom. 8:28), whether or not it always looks like it to me right now.

He reminds me that I, like everyone else, am a sinner (Rom. 3:23).  ALL that I deserve is death (Rom. 6:8, 23).  The only reason I am living and breathing right now is because of His grace that He displayed when His Son took all that I did deserve on the cross (Rom 5:8; Jn. 3:16) so He could give me the very life I don't deserve.  Every good gift that I receive now is completely and utterly an expression of His grace (Eph. 1:3; Jas. 1:17).  I deserve nothing but death, and nothing I can do could possibly change that (Gal. 3:21, 22; Eph. 2:8, 9).  But what I couldn't do, He did for me.  

He reminds me that He has not called me to live a life of pride, jealousy, envy, anger, or bitterness, but one of humility, forgiveness, joy, and love.

He reminds me that I am going to suffer because my Savior suffered (Jn. 15:18, 19; 1 Pt. 4:12-19), because trials produce perseverance and completion (Jas. 1:2-4), because discipline produces righteousness and holiness (Heb. 12:4-11), because sin has ransacked this world (Gen. 3), and because this world is still temporarily Satan's domain (2 Cor. 4:4).

In all this, He also reminds me that He sees my tears (Ps. 56:8), He knows and understands me intimately (Ps. 139), He values me (Lk. 12:7; 1 Pt. 1:18, 19), He will provide for me (Mt. 6:30-33), He cares for me (1 Pt. 5:7), and He will never leave me (Heb. 13:5).  

Even when God allows the storm, He never leaves me to weather it alone.  

Life isn't always fair,

BUT

He is always good,  He is always just, and He never stops loving us.