A Life Unexpected (Prologue)

“The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.”

-Proverbs 16:9

I always loved the board game called Life.  Well, I mostly just loved imagining who the little blue peg might be that I was putting in the driver’s seat of my car and wondering how many little pegs I would get to fill up the back seats of my real vehicle someday.  My brother, Ryan, was my favorite person to play with because I could bargain with him to let me alter my move to whatever I wanted it to be.  I always wanted the twins.  Now that I am a grown woman, the thought of carrying, delivering, and raising twins is slightly terrifying to me.  Nevertheless, my young and naïve self thought I always had to have the twins, and I could bribe my brother into letting me pretend I got the correct number on my spin to land on the “Twins!” space by letting him change salaries or whatever it was that he wanted to do. 

Ryan & I

Looking back, what I really loved about that game was that I could control everything, especially when playing with my poor, younger, easily-manipulated brother.  I could choose who I married, what house I wanted, what career I wanted, how many kids I had and whether they were boys or girls (even to the point of getting a second vehicle to be able to fit them all), and where I ended up.  When I played by the rules with someone else, it wasn’t nearly as fun.  I didn’t always like the way my life turned out.  My friends weren’t nearly so willing to let me bargain my way into the life I thought I wanted.

2015 Lightning Damage

Unfortunately (or fortunately?), playing by the rules is a much more accurate picture of real life.  We still have the free will to make choices, but there are so many unexpected factors that can come into play to thwart our plans.  Trees really do fall on houses, cars really do get stolen, the stock market really does slump, and we don’t all get our “happily ever after” type of adult lives exactly how we dreamed they would be.  If we did, some (not all!) of us would never see our need for God.  I am not at all saying that this is true of everyone who possesses such a life.  However, for many of us such an idyllic earthly life could end in tragedy.  Masked by material, social, physical, and emotional comfort, the hole inside us might not seem so unbearable.  The darkness of our heart might not seem so black.  Then, at the end of our short, happy lives, our souls would be lost forever.  Or, if we had managed to see our need for a Savior and believed in Jesus but didn’t see a need to surrender to His will, our lives would have been wasted.

                           

All of this is to say that most of our earthly lives will not go exactly how we plan or hope.  This might be because of personal sin, because of Divine intervention, because we live in a fallen world, or any other number of reasons.  Whatever the reason, the truth remains that at times life will meet or exceed our expectations and desires, and other times it won’t be what we were expecting or wanting at all.  However, this truth isn’t something to lament.  How often do we end up thanking God for refusing to grant a request for something we thought we wanted years ago?  When it comes down to it, we really don’t know what we want.  God sees our deepest needs and what is truly best in the scheme of His ultimate plan, which is much bigger than us.  Ultimately, the direction of our lives is not about us at all, but about God’s glory and the salvation of souls.

This is one of the many lessons God has been re-enforcing in my heart lately.  So much about my short little story so far is not what I would have chosen to write for myself, but it’s ultimately not about me.  I’m just one small portion of a much larger narrative.  For months, I’ve been arguing with God, and during that time I have found it hard to know what to write about for my blog.  Finally, I think I’m starting to grasp just a little of what He’s been trying to get through to me, and suddenly He has flooded my mind with words to write.  As a result, this post is an introduction to a five-part series in which I intend to share a few chapters from my story and some ways that I’m learning to accept and live this life that I didn’t expect to be living (ultimately, learning once again to truly surrender my life to God’s will, no matter what that may be).  Each post will also include some glimpses into the life of a Bible character who walked a similar path or experienced the same struggles.  It might get a little messy.  I am a sinner with a lot to learn (thank God for His grace!), but I’d love for you to join me on this journey of figuring out what to do with a life unexpected.