“Comparison is
the death of joy.”
-Mark Twain
Our propensity for comparing our own
circumstances with those of others starts at an early age. Little Johnny has a toy truck in his hand,
and little Bobby does not. Cue the
waterworks. Little Sally receives five
goldfish, and little Suzie receives six.
Brace yourself for the deluge of outraged accusations of unfairness. As we grow older, we begin to manage our
responses a little better (or at least disguise them), but we are still
inclined to draw all sorts of comparisons.
A few nights ago, my husband looked at my bowl of ice cream and
expressed his indignation against the fact that I had more fudge ribbons than
he had.
More
seriously, I have had to guard myself against looking at the lives of others when
I am frustrated with my own unmet expectations.
When I succumb to this temptation, I find myself becoming more unhappy,
cynical, discouraged, selfish, and ungrateful.
The child who is given five goldfish is content and thankful for the
snack (five is certainly more than zero!) until he sees that his friend
received six. Then, all of a sudden, he
forgets about what he has and can only think about the one that he does not
have. We know that this heart attitude
is immature and lacking in understanding, but that knowledge doesn’t always
stop us from giving in to it as adults.
God has provided jobs, a rental house where we can have all three of our
dogs, several ministry opportunities, friends who can relate to us on many
different levels, close proximity to family, and so much more since He moved us,
but it is still far too easy to let all of that fade into the background of the
missing pieces of vocational ministry and parenthood. When I see others who do have those pieces in
their puzzle, I have to fight my heart from reverting back to its childish and
sinful ways.
Not
only does my heart suffer when my attention is overly fixated on the lives of
those around me, but my relationship with God suffers. A horizontal focus on my circumstances and on
the lives of others leads me to doubt the goodness, impartiality, love, and
justice of God. The reason for this is
that such a short-sighted mindset is backwards.
It’s much like trying to look through a solid piece of paper to try and
see the characteristics of a magnifying glass.
Not only is this absurd and pointless, but it would lead us to believe
false information (for example, we might think that the magnifying glass is
completely opaque instead of transparent).
We do the same thing with our Creator.
We evaluate His character through the lens of the tangible circumstances
of our lives instead of clinging to His character to help us see our
circumstances clearly and respond to them correctly.
This
inverted perspective doesn’t just affect our relationship with God, but it also
taints our relationships with other people by prompting us to raise walls of
insecurity and envy that distance us from everyone else. How can we expect ourselves to be vulnerable
with other people if we don’t really believe we are secure in God’s love? How can we help but envy other people if we
don’t really believe that God is impartial?
Our deep-seated beliefs about God (not the ones to which we merely give
lip-service, but the ones that we are deeply and inwardly convinced are true)
directly impact the way we interact in all of our relationships.
So,
what is the solution? We have to shift
our focus back to where it belongs: on the true character of our God, made
evident in His Son, Jesus Christ.
Hebrews 1:3 says that Jesus is “the radiance of His glory and the exact
representation of His nature.” When we
know Him, we know God, and we can be confident to follow Him no matter where He
takes us. This is not because He won’t
allow anything bad to happen to us in this life, but because He gave us His
life when we did not deserve it and He has promised to cause “all things to
work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according
to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28). He is
trustworthy, and He deserves our complete allegiance and obedience. For Peter, following Jesus meant that he was
going to be martyred. When Jesus told
him this, he did exactly what we have been talking about. He looked at John, and said “Lord, and what
about this man?” (Jn. 21:21). His motive
for asking this question isn’t specified, but Jesus’s response is crystal
clear: “If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” (Jn. 21:22). In essence,
Jesus told Peter that His will for John was none of Peter’s business. Peter needed to keep his gaze directly on
Jesus and follow Him, and that is what we need to do too.
This
instruction is hard to accept in a culture that takes equality to an extreme. We are told that it isn’t fair for some people
to have more money than others (even if they earned it legitimately), so we
must forcibly take it from those who have and give it to those who have
not. If we give a gift to one friend,
then we have to give gifts of the same value to all of our other friends in order
to show that we love them all the same. All
children must at least receive participation awards because we don’t want any
feelings to get hurt. We grow up in this
environment, and then we expect God to behave the same way. If He gives a certain earthly blessing to one
family but not to another, then He must love the first family more or be more
pleased with them. If He allows one
family to experience the horrors of cancer but not another, then He must not
really be just. If He asks one of His
followers to be a martyr but not the other, then He must be cruel and
unloving. We become angry with Him
because we think that if we follow a list of rules and do everything just the
right way then we shouldn’t have to experience hardship or miss out on any
earthly happiness.
In
reality, the only thing any of us deserves is death: complete separation from
God (who is Love and Truth) forevermore in a place of eternal punishment. In that respect, we are truly and utterly
equal. However, in His grace and mercy,
Jesus gives His life just as equally and utterly to all who trust in Him. The Creator bled and died to take the wrath
that rightfully belonged to the creation.
Each breath we take is a gift that we don’t deserve: a gift of grace. Each spiritual and earthly blessing is a gift
of grace. Whether we like it or not,
even trials and hardships are gifts of grace because God takes those
difficulties and uses them for good. He
never allows us to go through more than we can bear with His strength, and He
never leaves us. We have no right to
expect any favor from Him, He has every right to command us to follow Him, and
He has every right to lead each of His children how He chooses apart from our
input (though even in this, He graciously invites us to come to Him in prayer). When we compare our lives to the lives of others, we not only make a mess of our hearts and our relationships, but we show disregard for God’s great grace and all that He has done for us. Following our Savior with undivided attention is truly the only appropriate response to the manifold grace we have been shown as well as the only way to a heart that is free to be thankful and content, to love others, and to love God.
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