When Life Isn't Fair

Hesitant Helpers

Fairness is ingrained into our very beings from a young age.  We want everyone and everything to be fair.  I remember mumbling under my breath as a young child when a teacher would tell the whole class to pick up any trash that was around us, even if it didn't belong to us.  I did not put the trash there, so why should I have to pick it up?  It wasn't fair.  That younger version of myself didn't understand why I, a child who threw my trash in the trash can, had to endure the same consequences as the children who just let their trash drop wherever they happened to be standing.  My focus was on myself: what I had done, what I deserved, what I didn't deserve, and what I felt others did or didn't deserve.

Now, I am a youth pastor's wife, and my husband and I often tell our students to pick up trash or leftover belongings that don't necessarily belong to them.  It has nothing to do with what they do or don't deserve and everything to do with the greater good of all who are there.  When everyone pitches in and picks up even what doesn't belong to them, then chances are better that nothing will be left behind.  The whole process of cleaning also goes much faster if everyone helps, not to mention the fact that cleaning up trash is such an easy task and one that definitely doesn't warrant any amount of great concern.  In other words, it isn't a big deal.

Hidden Heartaches

As an adult, I still have those times when I feel like life isn't fair, and I know I am not alone in that.  But now, the issues aren't quite so insignificant and are not so easily settled in our minds by the thought of the greater good.  The couple who has built a solid financial, spiritual, and marital foundation wonders why they are unable to conceive a child.  The man who worked so hard earning degrees and gaining experience questions why he has still been unable to find a job.  The teenager who was so dedicated to his significant other can't understand why he is now suffering from a broken heart.  The woman who has always maintained a healthy lifestyle has no idea how to come to terms with the fact that she has just been diagnosed with cancer.  The family that has never touched a drop of alcohol loses a member to a drunk driving accident.

We fall prey to the mindset that if we have done everything right that we shouldn't ever have to experience pain or suffering.  Because that wouldn't be fair.  But we know it still happens.

I've been battling with the question of fairness over many issues in my life for several months now.  In some areas, I guess it has been years.  I fall into the trap of comparing.  Comparing what I've done with what I'm experiencing.  Comparing what I've done and what I'm experiencing with what others have done and what they're experiencing.  Comparing what I wish would happen and think should happen with what is actually happening.  All this comparing leaves me defeated, discouraged, and distrusting of everyone, including my Lord.

Hope

Yet, He hasn't given up on me.

He sets me straight again by renewing my mind (Rom. 12:2), setting me free with truth, and adjusting my perspective.  

He reminds me that He does have a plan for my life that is good (Rom. 8:28), whether or not it always looks like it to me right now.

He reminds me that I, like everyone else, am a sinner (Rom. 3:23).  ALL that I deserve is death (Rom. 6:8, 23).  The only reason I am living and breathing right now is because of His grace that He displayed when His Son took all that I did deserve on the cross (Rom 5:8; Jn. 3:16) so He could give me the very life I don't deserve.  Every good gift that I receive now is completely and utterly an expression of His grace (Eph. 1:3; Jas. 1:17).  I deserve nothing but death, and nothing I can do could possibly change that (Gal. 3:21, 22; Eph. 2:8, 9).  But what I couldn't do, He did for me.  

He reminds me that He has not called me to live a life of pride, jealousy, envy, anger, or bitterness, but one of humility, forgiveness, joy, and love.

He reminds me that I am going to suffer because my Savior suffered (Jn. 15:18, 19; 1 Pt. 4:12-19), because trials produce perseverance and completion (Jas. 1:2-4), because discipline produces righteousness and holiness (Heb. 12:4-11), because sin has ransacked this world (Gen. 3), and because this world is still temporarily Satan's domain (2 Cor. 4:4).

In all this, He also reminds me that He sees my tears (Ps. 56:8), He knows and understands me intimately (Ps. 139), He values me (Lk. 12:7; 1 Pt. 1:18, 19), He will provide for me (Mt. 6:30-33), He cares for me (1 Pt. 5:7), and He will never leave me (Heb. 13:5).  

Even when God allows the storm, He never leaves me to weather it alone.  

Life isn't always fair,

BUT

He is always good,  He is always just, and He never stops loving us.          

Running to Forgiveness

"Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, otherwise they will not come near to you."

Psalm 32:9

As I read this verse, my dogs immediately come to mind.  Before I continue, let me introduce you to them quickly.  

Meet Hank, the everyone-loving, athletic leader of the bunch: 

And Drover, the big lug of a baby who craves belly rubs and head scratches, knows how to open our screen door by himself, and follows Hank like a young duckling:

Last, but not least is Nika, the spoiled, spunky home alarm system who loves picking at her big brothers whenever she gets the chance.  

When I read Psalm 32:9 this morning, my mind jumped to the times I have walked my dogs.  Drover is a breeze to walk: he sticks to my side fairly consistently without pulling unless he sees a squirrel or rabbit close by.  Hank pulls more than Drover because he tries to lead, but he still responds fairly well to tugs on the leash.  Nika, however, pulls the ENTIRE TIME.  It is not just a moderate pull either.  She throws all of her seven or eight pounds into the harness and looks like a sled dog trying to pull a couple polar bears.  She also zigs and zags like a pinball.  If I didn't have her on the leash, she would chase every squirrel, rabbit, cat, dog, bird, child, and leaf in sight and getting her to go where I wanted her to go would be all but impossible.  If I didn't use collars, harnesses, and leashes on my dogs, they would definitely go do their own thing instead of sticking with me.  They would also probably get pummeled by a car because they don't know enough to stay out of our busy streets.  

In Psalm 32, David tells us not to be like the horse (or like my dogs).  He gives us this counsel after describing his experience of holding on to his sin and then eventually confessing it and asking for forgiveness.  How easy is it for us to wander away from a close walk with God and then sit miserably in our sin, refusing to bring it to the One who can grant us forgiveness and healing?  David tells us that when we are in that situation, we shouldn't be like the horse or like my dogs and stubbornly make God rein us back in with a rope.  We should have understanding and know that "many are the sorrows of the wicked, but he who trusts in the LORD, lovingkindness shall surround him" (Ps. 32:10).  When we do hold back stubbornly, our problem is that we aren't believing this statement to be true.  

Again, I think of when Nika does something that she knows she isn't supposed to do (e.g., chew on the rug, chew on our shoes, defecate by the door...).  When I catch her in the act and scold her, she doesn't come running to me.  She tucks her tail between her legs and retreats a few feet away, but she always looks back to me and inches forward as though she wants to come to me but isn't sure if it is safe yet.  I don't scold her for the sake of scolding her, but I want her to learn what is and isn't acceptable.  When I see that she has gotten the message that her actions were not okay with me, I always invite her back to my arms and give her an alternative to whatever she was doing wrong.  When we have sinned, we sometimes picture God as hovering over us, waiting to stomp on us.  We desire the close fellowship with Him that we lost when we sinned, but we don't always trust that He is loving and willing to forgive us.  So, we cower and run away to soak in the sorrows of our sin and separation while God gently invites us to come back to Him.  

When we do finally come back to Him, agreeing with God about our sin and asking for His forgiveness, we find that He is truly trustworthy and overflowing with lovingkindness.  With David, we look back and wonder why we were ever so stubborn as to keep pulling away and we advise others to refrain from being "as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, otherwise they will not come near to you."  We know that it is much better to bring our sin to God quickly and avoid the sorrows that come from trying to hide it.  We can do this because our God is forgiving, trustworthy, and loving.  Thus, we can say with David, "How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered" (Ps. 32:1) and "Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous ones; and shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart" (Ps. 32:11).      

      

Busyness: What Will We Miss?

Busy.

More often than not, my schedule seems downright busy.  My husband is busy.  Our youth group teens are busy.  Their parents are busy.  My parents and brother are busy.  My friends are busy.  Everyone is busy.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing.  After all, we were created to do work.  Ephesians 2:10 says that "we are [God's] workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."  Even when God created Adam (before the fall of the human race into sin, mind you), He "put him in the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it" (Gen. 2:15).  Working is one of our purposes in life.

Even so, just like anything else, work can become meaningless and detrimental to our fellowship with Christ if we separate it from Him.  It can even become an idol.  This can happen in several different ways, but there is one in particular that God brought to my attention.

This morning, I was reading in the third chapter of Exodus (nope, not Luke 10!  Although, the story of Mary and Martha is another one that God often uses to work on me in this area).  I've read this chapter many times before, but something caught my attention in a new way as I sat curled up with my Bible in our cozy little nook.  Feeling familiar with the passage, I read the following words quickly:

"Now Moses was pasturing the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian; and he led the flock to the west side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God.  The angel of the LORD appeared to him in a blazing fire from the midst of a bush; and he looked, and behold, the bush was burning with fire, yet the bush was not consumed.  So Moses said, 'I must turn aside now and see this marvelous sight, why the bush is not burned up.'  When the LORD saw that he turned aside to look..." (Ex. 3:1-4a).  

And I came to a screeching halt.

What if Moses hadn't turned aside to look?  I mean, I know it was a burning bush that wasn't being consumed and all, but still.  What if?  After all, he was working and going about his day just like any other day.  What if he had been so focused on the task at hand that he had somehow missed the burning bush altogether?  What if he had seen it and thought it was interesting, but decided that he just didn't have the time to stop and take a closer look?  What if he just wrote it off as some trick that his mind was playing on him or some coincidence?

But he did stop.

"When the LORD saw that he turned aside to look, God called to him from the midst of the bush and said, 'Moses, Moses!'  And he said, 'Here I am.'  Then He said, 'Do not come near hear; remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.'  He said also, 'I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.'  Then Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God" (Ex. 3:4-6).

From here, Moses went on, along with Aaron, to be used of God to deliver the nation of Israel from the brutal, oppressive slavery of the Egyptians.  As they say, the rest is history.  

As I've thought about this passage today, God has been impressing upon my heart to:

(1) make sure that the work I am doing is the work He has called me to do.  I know even good work (e.g., ministries) can be worthless if it is not the work that He has designated for me to do.  I don't want to settle for what is good and miss out on what is best.

(2) make sure that I am not cruising through life so quickly and thoughtlessly that I miss His presence.

(3) make sure that I don't live with my eyes to the ground or so fixated on the work I want to do that I am blind to the ways God is showing Himself and working all around me.

(4) make sure that I am in tune to the Holy Spirit and that I respond to Him when I recognize His gentle, quiet prompting.  I grieve over the opportunities that I have missed the times when I have quenched Him.

God's timing is so perfect.  Lately, God has been rooting me in the fact that my work, first and foremost, is to be His witness: to make disciples who make disciples by sharing His Gospel message with those who don't know Him, by teaching His Word to those who do know Him, and by living a life that is evidence of the great gift that I have been given in Jesus Christ.  My husband and I took the youth group to a conference called Dare 2 Share recently, and I was greatly challenged to be an example in the area of evangelism to our youth.  In a couple days, we will also be participating in an Easter outreach to the community by taking cookies, homemade breads, and fliers for Easter Sunday to several families in our town in the hopes of building relationships and creating opportunities for Gospel conversations and encouraging prayer times.  Our pastor has been putting a huge emphasis on outreach and evangelism in his sermons, and my husband and I just started going through a devotional book together that is also centered on the Gospel and on outreach.  It is all very exciting and challenging.

Yet, I need to always remember the One whom all this is about and never get so wrapped up in it all that God Himself fades into the background.  It seems absurd that such a thing could even happen, but I know that it is a real danger.  I can do nothing worthwhile without His calling, His enabling, and His protection from the evil one.  I can do nothing if I am not abiding in Christ.

So, yes, I will be busy.  I will do the works God created me to do, but I will not let those works become an idol.  By God's grace, I will worship and adore Him alone and have fellowship with Him in the quietness and in the busyness.  By God's grace, I will do the works He created me to do in His strength and without losing sight of the One who is really doing the work.  By God's grace, I will notice the burning bushes, and I too will turn aside to look.