Have
you ever eaten so much food that you felt like one more bite would literally
make you explode? Our schedule for the
past two months has felt much like that uncomfortably over-fed stomach. It has been filled with awesome opportunities
that we have enjoyed immensely. However, much like that last bite of blueberry
cheesecake that sent me over my stomach’s maximum capacity many years ago
(disgusting and TMI, I know, but that's the analogy my brain came up with), too much of a good thing in too short of a time frame can
have some unpleasant side effects (for example, exhaustion and irritability). I know better than to let my schedule get so
packed, but I really struggle with intentionally slowing down and making sure I
have time for rest and quietness.
Thankfully, I have a God and a
husband who both love me enough to save me from my self-destructive tendency to
overwork myself. We just recently
attended the Continuous Worship Conference at Maranatha Bible Camp, and between
God’s tug on my heart and my husband’s encouragement, I found myself skipping
the workshop times (something that definitely goes against my “by the book”
personality) in favor of (1) spending
some unhurried and unscheduled time with a friend and of (2) being still before
my Creator in the midst of the beauty of camp.
Honestly, I had been less than excited that we were going to be away
from home AGAIN for a few days, but our time there was so needed. I didn’t have any leadership roles or
specific responsibilities (besides snuggling my friend’s baby while she played
piano for the worship sets), and it was rejuvenating to simply be a participant
with some room to breathe and reflect. I
was reminded once again just how important and crucial rest really is. In the general sessions, we talked quite a bit
about idols, and the whole conference made me realize how easy it is for me to
make productivity and busyness an idol.
Knowing that my distracted heart needed
some work, I dragged myself off of the hamster wheel during the second set of
workshops and sought out a quiet spot to talk to God and to listen. The day was beautiful, and I could feel the
warmth of the sun, softened by a mellow breeze, sink into my skin as I sat on
the concrete steps that overlook part of the lake. While listening to and mulling over the
lyrics from one of the new worship songs from the conference, a large bird
appeared and flew with swift and smooth movements over the water for several
minutes. I expected him to dive and
catch a fish at any moment, but he just continued to fly. I marveled at the beauty of the scene before
me. Suddenly, my heart was overwhelmed
with a sense of God’s love for me.
You see, I have often described my
state during the several years that led up to our move to Scottsbluff as that
of a caged bird; I felt utterly trapped, alone, and hopeless. Then, after months of prayer, God rocked my world
with change and the restoration of hope, fellowship, and freedom. I was incredibly grateful and excited to be
freed from the cage, but I was deeply hurt in the process. Thus, I transitioned from feeling like a
caged bird to feeling like a wounded bird; I had hope that I would be whole
once again, but in the meantime, I was stuck on the ground with my distrust,
pain, disillusionment, and impatience. As
I’ve experienced more and more healing, I have also been re-learning how to
fly. I’ve gotten frustrated as I’ve
experienced cycles of getting airborne, crashing and burning, and then getting
airborne again. Then, God sends this
beautiful bird who could fly effortlessly right before my eyes. Lately, I would have called it a
coincidence. However, Pastor Scott
Mathis reminded us at the conference that “coincidence is just God working
incognito.” It may seem silly, but that
bird was another of His gracious reminders to me that He sees me and loves
me.
“Yet
those who wait for the LORD
Will
gain new strength;
They
will mount up with wings like eagles,
They
will run and not get tired,
They
will walk and not become weary.”
Isaiah
40:31
As wonderful, sweet, and personal as God’s
gift of the bird was to me, nothing could compare to the gift of His Son. This Friday, we will commemorate His
sacrifice: the ultimate, complete, and perfect expression of His love.
“But
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners,
Christ died for us.”
Romans
5:8
“For
God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever
believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”
John
3:16
“But
God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,
even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with
Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us
with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.”
Ephesians
2:4-6
“We
know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down
our lives for the brethren.”
1
John 3:16
“Who
will separate us from the love of Christ?
Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness,
or peril, or sword? Just as it is
written, ‘For Your sake we are being put to death all day long; we were
considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved
us. For I am convinced that neither
death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things
to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will
be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans
8:35-39
How could I ever doubt or forget His
love? How could I ever trample on His
grace? Yet, I do sometimes. I choose, at times, to ignore and numb the
pain of life by self-medicating with constant work in one form or another
instead of running to the Healer. I
choose, at times, to rely on my own understanding in stubborn independence
instead of trusting in Him completely with complete dependence. I choose, at times, to walk in my sinful
nature instead of His Spirit. In spite
of all that, He still loves me, and He still continues to work on transforming my heart. What grace and what love are found in
Jesus!
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