A Child for the Childless

Like many other women whose arms are still empty this Christmas, I’ve had a hard time really enjoying the season this year.  With our three year mark of infertility just around the corner, the weight has been especially heavy on my heart.  For those who are wondering where we are at with testing and treatment, I started getting chiropractic adjustments in October at the suggestion of a few friends.  At the beginning of November, I also tried to schedule an appointment with a nutritionist who is well-known in the area and highly recommended by several of our friends; however, I was told that he wasn’t accepting new patients until sometime in January and that I should call again at the end of December.  I am planning on calling again this week to try and get an appointment set up.  Beyond that, I continue to have my TSH monitored (due again in February), and we have talked about getting a second opinion with a different gynecologist or possibly looking into a specialist in Omaha or Denver.  Finding doctors is a daunting task, not to mention saving up for the hefty bills that will inevitably follow.  We are having a hard time holding on to hope.  The other day Jon mentioned with a tone of discouragement that he had seen three pregnancy/birth announcements in his Facebook feed that morning.  Seeing him start to be more visibly affected by such things brings on a whole new dimension of pain for me. 

In the midst of all of this, God has been using several different sources to help me see the Christmas story in a whole new way.  Between our pastor’s sermons and a couple posts from other bloggers and friends, I’ve begun to see just what a major role infertility played in the Christmas story, and it has brought me some comfort.   

On December 10, Pastor Eric started off his Christmas series by taking us back to God’s promise to Abraham and Sarah.   God promised to make Abraham into a great nation and that all of the world would be blessed through him.  That promise was set into motion through the miraculous birth of their long-awaited son, Isaac. 

God’s plan and the fulfillment of His promise also unfolded through Isaac and Rebekah’s nearly twenty years of infertility and Jacob and Rachel’s argument-inducing journey of infertility, which was exacerbated by the contrast of the ridiculously fertile Leah. 

As blogger Shannon Ketchum observed in her post titled “God’s Perfect Timing,” we can look back and see how the timing of Joseph’s birth was particularly critical.  If his mother (Rachel), grandmother (Rebekah), and great-grandmother (Sarah) had all given birth on their own time schedules, Joseph would not have been in Egypt to save his family during the famine.  God used him to preserve his family, and God chose to use Egypt to develop that family into the nation of Israel, through which the Messiah would come. 

We fast forward several hundred years, and God used yet another infertile couple, Zecharias and Elizabeth, to conceive John the Baptist, who was to prepare the people for the coming Messiah. 

Finally, blogger Melissa Forster pointed out in her post titled “Elizabeth’s Hope” that the Christmas story is “the ultimate fertility story.”  She elaborates: “Not only did Elizabeth get pregnant in her old age, but Mary got pregnant as a virgin! Both are stories of God doing the impossible.” 

Ultimately, all of these stories of seemingly endless waits, heartache, and miracles culminated in the birth of Jesus, the Messiah.  God used all of it in His timing to fulfill His purposes. 

Another sweet friend (head over to www.alishajoycoleart.com to check out her beautiful and symbolic art and grief journals) who has experienced so much heartache and loss in this arena recently re-posted a memory that spoke so much truth to my heart and summarizes all of these other pieces so well.  Here is an excerpt from Alisha’s post:

“My healing must and will come through Jesus alone. The fact that he came in the form of a baby is not lost on me. Baby Jesus means a lot more to me this Christmas season. All promise, hope, and restoration was meant to be fulfilled in HIS tiny body alone. Not one conceived by me. He alone will satisfy and my heart will be healed. THAT is His promise to me.”

He is my hope.  I can’t see the whole picture, but I can see that Jesus loved me enough to humble Himself to the point of infancy, to grow up in a sinful and broken world, and to take the wrath for all of my sin on the cross.  There could be no greater display of love.  I can trust Him, and I know that He cares for my bleeding heart.